Epidemicdotes.

Levin Daily Chronicle, 3 December 1918, Page 1

Epidemicdotes.

» Even into the grimmest tragedy a gleam of humour will obtrude, and the sordid revelations of the epidemic have ! not been devoid of humorous incidents. THE BATHING OF MRS McBLANK. The cottage was a small one; bottles tins, and a heterogenous collection of rubbish ornamented the surrounding patch of rank grass, andi bestrewed tihe path. The windows were closed, and darkly shaded with <fiftt-grimedt curtains. Inside, six people lay ill. 'Festoons of cohwehjs draped the windows, walls and bedfi. Eggshells, bananaskins and food refuse filled the fireplace. The air was tot and nauseating with a variety of odours. Into this came two of the 'Relief Workers. Thtey were not professional nurses, and the sights and smells were new to them, but bravely they attacked the problem. With the limited appliances at hand they set to work to clean and scour this unsavoury domocile, and opening the windows they let in the fresh sun-warmed air. The young Mcißlanks were each duly soaked.' and scrubbed and reduced to a state bordering on cleanliness. The two nurses then held a consultation about tihe bathing of Mrs Mcßlailk. She was large and very stout and most reluctant to undergo the ordeal. But the greatest difficulty presented was tih'e lack of a bath; -so they explored the cottage in search of a substitute. At last they found it—a preserving pan. It was the largest- vessel in the houpe_, so they decidied to commence operations with this. Mrs Mcßlank was large and obstinate, and the nurses were small, but determined. Well, they bathed Mrs Moßlank in the preserving pan—but they had to do her in Bections. MS DYING WISH. The man lay dying. The doctor looked at him and sho6k his head. His tongue was swollen to twice its normal size and his face was turning black. The patient muttered something, but th'e swollen tongue rendered articulation difficult', and the doctor was slightly deaf, lie leaned down and tried to catohl the words, but they were mere unintelligible sounds. Turning to the woman in attendance, the doctor asked if she could understand. The. woman leaned over the dying man a*d listened. "He says he'di like a drink of beer before he dies, doctor," explained the woman. ... The doctor saw no harm in gratifying hiis dying wish and hastened off, returning with three bottles of English ale. Next day, when on his rounds, lie called at the house, and to his utter amazement the patient was sitting up having his breakfast. Beside him were ; two empty andi one haif full bottle. j (The doctor says he will not guarantee , it as on infallible cure.) j NO LTJOK. ! The man knocked ait the surgery ; door and was ushered in. "You are attending my wife, aren t you, doctorP" "Yes," replied the medico. ''I want you to give her a repeat order for the brandy, as .it is all gone, and she is badily in need of it now. And I'm not too well myself—had a bad attack of influenza in Wellington j before 1 came up." . ! The dootor looked' coldly at him. ' I have stopped your wife's issue of bran- j dy; she doesn't require it now. Good- j night." J The doctor firmly olosedt the door on • his visitor, but not too lato to hear a harsh mole vice out in the darkness make tlilis anxious enquiry: "HaAlo, mate—any luck? 3>ERT AND TEXTS. " 'Culiar thing," said a leading worker, "that the dirtier the blanks are the more texts they have on the walls!" Then he went- on to illustrate : "There wais Mre , for instance; wo had to ambulance her; eighteen stone if she weighed an ounce; you ought to have seen her diggins'. Dlirtr Nope—muck! We fairly dug her out. Got there in the early morning. Called up at night, but the ambulance broke down so we slep' in her all night. Well we landedi along in the morning'ungry no name for it. . but by the living blank, we soon loßt that. Missus wa? lying on an old 'orse 'air sorer, etuffim' comin' out of the bottom, rug over 'er, toes stiekin' through her socks, just about all out, but not the live stock; it was ttheir busy day; the bigpest sow I ever clapped eyas on under the kitchen table hgppy as larry; an fowls! When we walked in there was a shower of the blighters; orf the partition, orf the kitchen table, yes an' orf the bed. But as I was say in' there wafc plenty of texts, on the walls—every I where. But the one that tickled me fancy most, right up on the corner above the mantelpiece, prominent like, and with an orniment round it: ''God Bless Ou,r 'Ome"T . . S'elp me! When we come back from the 'ospjtal 1 walks up to Jimmy and says: "Look here, Mr Mayor, that was the blinky limit, how's it for a gargle?" andi when I explains, gosh, y'oughter heard him laugh. "Olright," he pays, ''come round the back!" KEEPING THE CHICKS WARM. Some fuany experiences are related by the medical assistants.in the Taranaki district. It was on one of the country roads and the lady of the house was reported to be very ill. The medical assistant looks Juer up and takes her temperature, etc. Just then in comes the daughter of the hoflse, who promptly proceeds to sit on the bottom of the bed. The old lady lets out a scream. "What's wrong" meekly asked the M.A. "She's sitting on tlile chicks!" Sure enough in the same bed as the patient was a brood of chicks, put there to keep them warm! No amount of expostulation on the part oi the M.A. would make the old) lady remove the chicks, which, at latest adlAlices,IAlices, were still there and doing well! j TEMPERATURE 107. A worker, who has a good deal to do with boys, got the shock of his life the I other day. One of the hoys was taken ill with 'the flu" andi his temperature •was being taken. The temperaturetaker left the room for a. few minutes, | and discovered on his return that the . thermometer registered 107. Doubting his- eyesight, he shook the mercury ! down ana again took the temperature, j staying in tine. room meanwhile. This j time the tenjperature read 101. "Now, what did you do, you young rascal," he - demanded. "I put it on the hot water | bottle!'' was ..tlie. reply.