Topsy-Turvydom of War

Levin Daily Chronicle, 2 March 1918, Page 1

Topsy-Turvydom of War

CURIOUS PUZZLES AND ANOMALIES. Every big Avar brings forth puzzles for public bodies, statesmen, and private people. Bat it is safe to say that there was never any war which made so many strange dilemmas of all sorts as the present war has done. Here are a few' of various kinds—picked up at random —which will show how difficult it sometimes is to settle exactly, where one is, who one is, and what one ought to do in the special circumstances, •writes Mr G. A. Wade in the "Scotsman." A few days ago the head of a big firm of engineers had to visit a Government office in Whitehall in connection with some special and intricate work he was doing for that department. He saw one clerk after another, then higher people still, who all, however, knew nothing about his particular matter, till at length he came to a secretary who did seem to know something. "Oh, certainly, sir,'' said that gentleman; "the person you have to see and satisfy is Colonel—, who is head The engineer was taken along to the colonel's room and ushered in. He saw a gentleman in khaki and red tabs seated at a table signing documents, presumably very important. He stood a moment waiting till the colonel should turn towards him. When that occured the engineer was simply struek dumb! For the groat colonel was a former employeo of his firm, who had once been a draughtsman in his works, and had been dismissed summarily as "not satisfactory in his work." JOHN WAS REPORTED MISSING. Again, such a war as this, spreading far and wide its tenacles, confuses things and thoughts and knowledge extremely. The headmaster of Lewes Grammar School recently told a very good stoi-y well showing this. It concerned a former sheriff of the City of London, who is now in Palestine, and came from him in a letter to his masteT. He says:— '' On a hill not many miles from where lam writing this in the Holy Land a temple was discovered. A padre with our troops from overseas, exploring this temple, and exomining beneath a fine old mosaic floor, found a body which he felt sure he could identify as that of John of Antioch. In some excitement he wired to the authorities liore: — " 'Have found the body of John of Antioch. May I remove it?" Now it is safe to say that the military folk had never known or heard anything about "John of Antioch." All their thoughts were on the war pnd the enemies of the Allies in this region. And they replied accordingly as follows, but you may imagine how the answer non-plussed the padre. " 'Has been reported missing for some time. Please send on his identity disc." NEVER HEARD OF THE WAS. Then, too there are some people whose reading of the newspapers, whose talk with other folk, and whose curious mentality must surely be outside all average understanding. They run up against one sometimes and make one fairly gasp. Thus Mr Cancellor, tho magistrate of the North London Police Court, was absolutely "flabbergasted," as they say, by a man before him. The prisoner was charged with failing to report himself for military, service. The man was thirty-three years old, and had for the past seven years lived in what are locally termed the "dustheaps" on Hackney Marshes. He had never been registered, said the military officer, and was seldom seen outside his cave dwelling. Being asked by Mr Cancellor why ho acted as he did, the man answered, apparently quite seriously, that he had not known there was any war on, that he had never heard anybody talk about a war when outside his '' cave,'' and thai he had never meant to fail to do his duty. The military and other officials confirmed the man's statement in so far as they allowed that ho had at once protested when arrested, that he had never heard of any war. So the magistrate remanded him for certain enquiries to be made.

PUZZLING ABBREVIATIONS. Then what puzzles we find day after day in papers, reports, notices, departments, courts, and all sorts of places with regard to cryptographic letters standing for all kinds of things—letters that may mean goodness knows what. What can any ordinary man, make of this, which appeared some time back in the official gazette issued by the National Clearing House of the Ministry of Labour? Try to puzzle it out for yourselves ,and think how lots of people must have spent much time on it before they solved it, if ever they did at all. "W. 8.15 0.T.2T. Abst. Pref." The abbreviated sentence means: "War bonus, 3 5/-. Overtime paid as double time Abstainer preferred." COULDN'T GIVE HIS ADDRESS. Also nowadays the strain of work is so great that even Cabinet Ministers do extraordinary things in their forgetfulness or devotion to duty. Dr Addison, the Minister for Reconstruction, was recently asked in the House of Commons where his office was situated. "I will send the member the address if he wishes," sauvely replied the Minister. '' But why should you not give it publicly?" put in another M.P. 'It has been published several times'! replied the doctor. "Then why not give it here again " persisted members. "Wei, it is in Queen Anne's Gate," answered the Minister, "but I really can't, tell you the number. I don't know I ever noticed it." Fancy a Cabinet Minister to-day not being quite sure' what tho exact- address of his office is. It sounds a bit like our old friends Gilbert and Sullivan,, or a page out of Charles Dickens.