Most Unpronounceable War In History

Lake County Mail, Issue 48, 5 May 1948, Page 3

Most Unpronounceable War In History

With the coining of Anzac Day came the recounting of war-time experiences. Not that it’s anything to write about. ... It happens every Anzac Day. But looking back it will be agreed that the last war was the most unpronounceable one in history. In other words, it is difficult to us to adjust ourselves to a world in which most of the important things happen in maternity hositals after six years of things happening in Pangantayikera, or Waikiokpngianaga or Duprenofski.

In the good old days they fought in places that had reasonable names like Waterloo, Trafalgar, Arras, Somme and the “ Wazza.” But did anyone in the last war think of winning a nice sensible battle like Cressy, or occupying some simple place like Cairo? No; they fought around Koseierzsya in Poland, Heddylamarsky in Hungary, Klabeugatnofaba in New' Guinea, and Nakagusuka in Japan.

Take Przemysl, for instance. Everyone stumbles over the word because they don’t know which syllable to accent. Once I practised for hours in my room with a mouthful of pebbles just to be like some of the announcers on the radio, but the only result, was gravel.

When Hitler invaded Poland in 1939 my radio stopped talking English. First the Nazis over-ran Gniezno — what a way to start a war! —and then Tczew —that’s a short one, but try it —and Zdunska and Drohobbycz. That last one strained the speaker on the set.

In Russia Ave found Petropaulovsk and Novosibirsk—try that one without a raincoat. It was this campaign of Hitler’s in Russia that just about finished me for good. Maybe you can imagine most of those Russian names with a full set of your own teeth, but just get one of those syllables under your plate and see what kind of a time you have getting it out! Thank heavens for Stalingrad! If it hadn’t been for that, the Nazis might have got to Dzerzhinski and IvanovaYoznesensk. Try those without a raincoat bn.

That sort of thing could wreck anyone’s life. Imagine an inhabitant of one of these towns on a shopping trip. Picture him in one of our shops telling the assistant he wanted a pair of pyjamas sent to his home in Pzerjarmazski.

You could write it and spell it and draw it, but I doubt if you could be sure that that pair of pyjamas would end up at his home in Pzerjarmazski.

Yes, it was the most unpronounceable war in history. You see what I mean? I don’t supposki!