LAUGH IT OFF ..

Lake County Mail, Issue 22, 22 October 1947, Page 2

LAUGH IT OFF ..

fanner (to horsedealer): No, I don’t bear ye no malice. I only hope that when you’re chased by a pack of ravening wolves you’ll be driving that horse you sold me! “ X observe that you do a- great many favours for that influential citizen.” “ Those aren’t favours,” answered Senator Sorghum; “those are investments.” # • * Brigshaw: How’s the housing position going on in your district? Digwood: Well, it’s a big job, but the Council’s been sitting for two weeks, and they’ve already approved a sample brick. « « * Landlady: The coffee, I’m sorry to say, is exhausted, Mr Gray. Mr Gray: Ah, yes, poor thing, I was expecting that. I’ve noticed this last month or two that it has’nt been strong. * * * Click: I never knew such a fussy man. ' Clack: What’s he done now? Click: He sold his plot in the cemetery because they buried a man who died of a contagious disease too near it. * * • An elderly woman was escorting two little girls round the zoo. While they were looking at the stork she told them the legend of the ungainly bird —how it was instrumental in bringing them to their mothers. The children looked at each other in astonishment, and presently one whispered: Don’t you think we ought to tell the dear old thing the truth?”' * • • A backwoods mountaineer one day found a mirror which a tourist had lost. “ Well, if it ain’t my old dad,” he said, as he looked into the mirror, “ I never knowed he had his pitcher took.” He took the mirror home and stole into the attic to hide it. But his actions didn’t escape his suspicious wife. That night, while he slept she slipped up to the attic and found the mirror. “ Humm-um,” she said, looking into it, “so that’s the old hag he’s been chasin’,” * * # A police sergeant in a small country town sent for a constable and lectured him severely: “ You have been in the force now for 12 months,” he said, “ and never once have you brought in a case of any kind. Now I’m willing to give you one more chance. Squire Daly has telephoned to say that someone is stealing his apples. Go up there and catch the thief to-night.” About midnight the -waiting constable saw a man walking along with a sack over his shoulder. He pounced on him, opened the sack and found a quantity of valuable silver. “ H’m,” he murmured, “my mistake, but you can thank your lucky stars that it wasn’t apples.”