Page 4 Advertisements Column 3

Kaipara and Waitemata Echo, 18 December 1919, Page 4

OONUNDRUMS. When ia a schoolmaster ltk« • man with one eye?— When he hai a Tftcancy for « pupil. Why does & scolding woman ke«p people at a distance? —Because »he's always a railing. Why are you better-looking than a carpenter?— Because he 1b a deal plainer (planer). Why Is a large kingdom like a brown atudy?—Because lt't a roomy nation (rumination). Why 1b the root of tne tongue like a dejected man?— Bemuse It ii dtfwu tn the mouth. Why U a ichoolboy being flagged like youT eye?— Because he it a pupil under the lash. When a coal miner goes to the theatre, what part of the house theuld lie go to? —The pit. Why are fishermen and shepherd! like beggar*?— Because they HTe by hoo^or by crook. Why 1b thi letter M like good t*«t« It playing a piano?--Without it mifta would make u-sick. Why fB a woman living up two p*trt oi stairs like a godde««?—BeoauJie ak« (b a aecond Flora. USEFUL INFORMATION Train Service Trains leave Helensvillo for Auckland at 6.50 a.m., 12.30 p.m. and 4.12 p.m. Leave Auckiaud for Helensville at 7.20 a m., 10.50 a.m. and 3,15 p.m. Leave Helensville for Hanganui at 10.17 a.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays. Leave Helensville for Wellsford at 2.15 pm. daily. Helensville Town Board Chairman—Mr Jas. Stewart Corns.—H. Aitkenhead, H. TJnmp* eon, C. West, W. Coutts. T. Johnson, Jas McLeod Clerk: Mr W. F. F. Baislier. New Zealand Farmers' Union Northern Wairoa !Sub -Provincial District — President, J Stallworthy, Esq.; Organising Secretary, L. L. Bailp}Kaipaia Sub-Provinciat District— President, O. B. Snelling, Esq.; Organising Secretary, L. L. Bailey Justices of the Peace Messrs J, A. Wilson, W. R. Fob broke, James Hand, James McLeod, Banks The Union Bauic of Australia The Bank of New Zealand Kaipara Branch, Returned Soldiers' Association. President, Mr Jas. Stewart; socve^ tary, Mr C. J. Claridge, Echo.^Oflico, Qelensville. Committee meets fortj nightly ( WednesdaysV find general meetings h'jld at frequent iutorvals, on dates announced. 15th (North Auckland) Regiment Headquarters, Whangaiei Oiiicer Commanding — Lieut-Colo-nel T. H. Sceaduiau Second in Commandl —Major Barti iett Kaipara Defence Rifle Club Helensville Platoon- J. H. Constable, Vico President WoodhiJl Section—T. Loughmau, Vice President Quarter Master— W. U K Fosbroke Senior Cadets ; Lieut. A, J. Gatry,.O.C. Births, Deaths and Marriages Mr O. Ansell. Eegist-rar. Societies | Duke of Albany Lodge, E.<;, No. 2073.—Secretary, Mr F. }?. Eaines. ' School Committee C. P. Thomson v Chairman) F, E. Eames (Sec. and Treas.j, W W. L. Bradly, W. F. Coutts, E. Smith, H. L. Thompson, C. S. West A. and P. Association President—N. W. Rimmer Secretary—A. J. Skolton