ARS AMORIS A TALL STORY.

Kaipara and Waitemata Echo, 29 May 1914, Page 8

ARS AMORIS A TALL STORY.

OH, Sir Richard! Cease —for very shame's sake cease, I ' pray "Nay, then; must I needs again set abar —thus—upon sweet lips whose melody hath somewhat of a jarring sound?" "A jarring sound! You are pleased to court me with a jest." "No jest, sweet love. Must your own Richard be dubbed Sire or Sieur by " "I pray your pardon. Richard. Bethink you how maiden modesty is unaccustomed to —to " "Tilly-vally! It will come with practice. Rick or Dick may stand for choice. But either is all too coarse beside the pretty syllables of 'Geraldine.' When did you first begin to love me?" "Nay, that I may not tell. A maid is wooed, she knows not how, by a glance of meaning: a touch of the hand; the sigh of a whisper. 'Tis monstrous strange, I protest, how Love will come unbidden. And you?" "I? Love hath ever held me thrall since first—oh, happy day! —Dan Cupid's shaft, winged from your bright eyes, pierced the heart of Richard Devereux. And yet " "Why that doleful sigh, be- fi v seech you?"

"Of course, I shall expect you to make settlements.' 7 "Er—is that a condition?" ""Well, rather! Fopper;s good for a couple of hundred thousand dollars a year, you bet. Question is, what capital you're prepared to chuck into the family fryingpan?" "Never could guess a riddle. Give it up." "You'll have to make some sort of a show, or else plump comes the whole gazoo. Popper's awful keen on bargains." "Let's see. He's a Chicago pig sticker, ain't he?" "You're right on the track this time, young man. What's your dad?"' "Earl of Shaxton. Viscount Ketminster. Baron Orchard in the peerage of the United Kingdom, a Baron of Nova Scotia, and Member of Her Britannic Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council." "Great Scott! Can he hold it all in his mouth at once—without spilling some? Where d'you hang out when you're at home?" "At the old shor>." "What, Ketminster? Ah! shil-ling-entrance sort of place; kettle always on the boil; sixpenny guide to the ruins, and so on. Want my dollars to do up the place?" "They'd come in handy."

"Alas! I sigh to think of mine own unworthiness. Yon, sweetheart, the heiress of this vast domain; I bnt a poor baronet, possessed of a castle, picturesque only by reason of its ruin and decay." "Yet my honoured father approves.'' "Ay, in generous regard for his darling child, whose heart " "Hath freely been given to my dear lover and sometime lord. With what happiness will she devote her dower to the renovation of ruined walls and barren estate! Heaven is indeed kind; for how pitiful is wealth compared with the honest love of a worthy gentleman?" "Queen of my heart " "And pocnet, too, Richard." "Nay, now " "Indeed, but it must be so.'* "I protest " "Tt shall not serve you. What! is Love n thing of paltry gold and silver? When T surrendered myself to your embrace, the while you decked this foolish finger with the ring of betrothal, had. I a thought of purse-strings? Fie. Richard!" "But " "There is no 'but.' If thy handmaid hath found grace in my lord?s eyes, he must c'en take all her unworthy self, though the 6glitter of gilt go with her."

"Sho! How old's the dad with the page-and-a-half of titles?'' "Er—does that matter?" "Slightly, old sonny. I reckon there's a time-limit to most things." "Well, he's seventj'-five." "H'm! Five years or so to wait —all right; you can scoop in the pot." "Thanks. I s'pose we'd better mention it to our respective governors?" "Praps. Popper'll down me, though, for- not flying a hit higher. I guess he'll r'ar round awful. I >say; on my side the mill-stream, giris whore engaged sometimes expect a, slobber. Kiss, you know." '' How delightfully odd!" "Fact! Seen 'em myself. It's the male bird who begins." "Sure?" "Certain." "Thought I saw you, yesterday, having it all your own way with another Johnnie." "Well, why not? Error of judgment, though, on my part. Guess he was only a third son. Ain't fond of lip-salve, are you?" |«Er —it all depends." "Barmaids, I reckon; stagedollies and counter-gals? You'll have to drop 'em in St. George's, Hanover Square. Got any en-gagement-rings to give awayt"

"Yes, sir," said the hard-faced 1 American, "you have some queer 9 occurrences in this little island of fi yours, but the strangest tale I a ever heard was about old Hank 'J Watson, the Mayor of Dryvil&, a in Oregon. If you have ten mm- n ntes to spare I'll tell it you. J "They used to run very short i'M of water there every summer, and" 'M a great deal of inconvenience and 1 loss of money was caused by the | shortage, so one year Hank pro- 'I posed that they should have an §. artesian well sunk. The citizens/^; agreed to this, and a company of well-sinkers sent down some men '* and tackle to bore for water. | ""Well, sir, they drove down *<'< about 873 feet, but no water was J tapped, and the well-sinkers were \* talking of giving up the jojki They § said there couldn't be any-Vater I there, or they'd have struck it \ long since. Old Hank was stand- ' ing over the hole which had been J sunk, looking very crestfallen, for *■ he was nuts on the boring biz., it $ being his own idea, you see, when .• all of a sudden a tremendous rush of water took place, and spouted * up in a column about a foot in } diameter to a height of 390 feet. *J The crowd shouted for joy, but in '? a. minute or so their joy gave place M to consternation. Why? "Well, now, you've no doubt seen eggs j balancing on water jets at fairs / and such-like at which" people \ shoot? Yes? "Well. sir. T daresay you will hardly believe it!, but' „ that spout of water carried up old' Hank just like one of those eggs T mentioned, pvd before anyone could say 'knife.' there he was,' bobbing about. 390 feet up in tse air. "By Creorsre. sir. the sight made me feel queer. I can tell you, but being a practical sort of chap, 7 \ errabbed at a bit of board an# l buzzed it into the spout.' Of i course, it shot up at once to the top. and., as soon as. Hank saw it \ he got hold, and with a bit-of manoeuvring managed, to bestride it. Tn a few minutes he saw lie could balance himself and sit quite comfortable. "Then lonsr Mike Gorman, the carpenter, got a bn? of nails and a. hammer and saw, and a few other tools, wrapped 'em in a bit of oilskin, and sent 'em up to Hank, while the other chaps shoved in a lot of shingles and odd bits of timber. )„ "Hank, of course, being ■used (^ to his position now, set to work « with the tools and made a strong platform on which he could stand and walk about, for the water x kept very steady all the time. -1 ""Well. sir. all day long we kept.., f * sending up things to Hank, and by nightfall he'd got a wooden Irat set up with a stove in, and chairs and a table, and all the rest of it. You see, we couldn't gef Hank down, so we thought we'd make him as comfortable as possible while he was up there. . . . ""We got so used to it that after '; he'd been up there a week or;two • v nobody took much notice, except strangers in the district. But ' these told their friends away, and a heap of people came out to see Hank and his cottage, etc., on the waterspout. I've heard of some queer things being up the spout, but Hank was the only live man I'd ever, known to be up. "Excursion trains were run to "Dryville from all parts of the s United States of Amurrica, and. Hank used to talk to the trippers by the telephone he'd rigged. You see, mister, "he knew it was*1 no use worrying about trying to get down to earth so long as the water showed no sign of abating, so he'd quite settled down or settled up, whichever you like. "All the summer Hank was up' aloft, and I give you my word for it^sir, we got so used to seeing him sitting outside of his hut of an evening, smoking, and reading the paper, that we took itAwuite as a matter of course. * ""Well, summer passed, and the cold weather set in. Frosts came, and it got colder and colder, the rivers a hundred miles away began to skim over with ice," and . everything betokened a severe winter. "One morning, bitterly cold it was, too, T was awakened by someone pounding on the front door. When I went down to see what it was about, I was simply flummoxed to find Hank standing <> there. "How did he get down? Why, the spout froze hard and solid during the night, so Hank just took his axe and cut steps all the. . way down to the ground. "Yes, sir, you may hardly ere- ' • dit it, but that's an absolutely true story, and if old Hank was here, he d bear me out in all I've told you. Perhaps you haven't heard about Jake Smithson and the Redskras. It happened——" I remembered an important engagement and left hurriedly.