MISCELLANEA.

Kumara Times, Issue 1450, 21 May 1881, Page 2

MISCELLANEA.

Scene—Outside a frequented Christchurch hotel. Time—9.3o p.m. Weather.—Cold, stormy, and wet. Wellknown auctioneer entering a cab: “ Not many lunatics about to-night, cabby.” Cabby : “ No, Sir, you’s the first.” A little miss has a grandfather who has taught her to open and shut his crush hat. The other day, however, he came with an ordinary silk one. Suddenly he sees the child coming with the new stove-pipe wrinkled like an accordeoiu “ Oh, grandfather,” she says, “ this one is very hard : I’ve had to sit on it, but I can’t get it more than half shut.” An American tourist was inspecting St. Paul’s, London, under the guidance of an Irish verger. Suddenly the latter said with bated breath, “ ’Sh, surr, ’sh, for we’re approaching the tomb of the great Juke—the Juke of Willington, surr. Sure, surr, he loies there; and undernaith him there’s at laste tin tons of granite. And thin comes an iron sarcophagus—and he’s in that. And atop o’ that, surr, there’s at laste fifteen tons more of Oirish granite, that’s at the same toime a protiction and a mimorial.” The American replied—■ “Well, I guess you’ve got him sure. Bat if the old fellow shows any signs of breaking out, just you cable, at my expense, to Peoria, Illinois.” This is said to be the best pun ever made in America. Horace Greeley, during the Scott Campaign, declared that he execrated and spit upon the Whig platform. A Western New York editor remarked that if Greeley spit upon the Whig platform he could not expect-to-rate as a Whig. A coloured pastor got rid of the Sun-day-school funds at Monte, He was duly tried, and the verdict was “De Bev. Aminadab Bledso am acquitted ob de sin of gamblin’, pervided he pays de money back by next Sunday night. In

de meantime de members of this congregation is Warned agin playin’ keards wid Brndder Bledso.” The Empress Augusta received on Christmas Eve from the Empress of Japan a present which has created quite a sensation amongst naturalists. The novel and interesting gift consisted of a couple of Japanese dogs, the first of their kind ever imported into Germany. They are long-haired and silky-, snow-white in color, with a few black spots on the body, and with coal-black heads. The most remarkable feature is their eyes, which are extraordinarily large and lustrous, and which, it seems, as they grow older increase in size, until they attain the dimensions of a two-shilling piece. They arrived, at the palace in charge of a Japanese official, who had conveyed them all the way from Yeddo to Berlin carefully packed in a handsome kennel, the interior of which was luxuriously lined with silken cushions. The eminent animal painter Sperling has been commissioned by the Empress to take their portraits. The Empress sent them down, kennel and all, to the Berlin Canine Club House afterwards for inspection at a general meeting of the members especially convoked for that purpose. Lights and shadows of portrait painting*—Aunty » “ And now, how many sittings shall you require of my niece, Mr Sparks I”—Our Artist—(a model, but most inflammable, youth) > “ Oh, not more than thirty or forty, or perhaps fifty—we will say sixty, if-you like, or seventy—at all events eighty* or ninety at the utmost, or—” Aunty : “ Good Heavens! why, you painted me in four.” Our Aritst: “ No! did I really, though 1 Ah, but I cun see at a glance that your niece’s expression will be particularly difficult to catch, you know.” Beecher surprised his congregation recently by relating in open meeting how one of the lambs of his flock, ing preferred the Roman Catholic communion to the Protestant, be took hef by the hand and led her to a priest in Brooklyn, telling him he had brought one who had found “ greener pastures in your field than in mine,” and he added, “ I would do so again if necessary.’* The affair lias created a great sensation*