FACETIÆ.

Kumara Times, Issue 252, 26 July 1877, Page 3

FACETIÆ.

When is a young lady like a ship 1 — When she reposes on the bosom of a heavy swell. Some persons seem utterly incapable of appreciating a generous act. Merely because a young man calls upon a young lady half a dozen evenings in the week, and occasionally drops in between meals, there are people mean enough to insinuate that it means something besides anxiety about her sick mother. It may be worth while to mention to the ladies that cremation ashes are said to be good for the teeth. Down in Troy an omnibus knocks a lady down and one of the wheels rubs the powder all off one cheek without doing further damage.—Ex. That’s not the sort of ’bus that induces them to turn the other cheek also.

So many people are asking us what we would like to have for a Christmas present that we suppose we must break through the reverse of our natural modesty and say—well, we hate to mention it, —but a few “ thous,” anywhere up to ten, will satisfy me. N.B. • —Debentures taken at par. Nothing is so soothing as a sister’s love and sympathy. Every young man ought to have a sister’s smiles to encourage him. If you have not ’got a eister of your own, you may be able to borrow one somewhere in tho neighborhood.

The use of scientific terns often becomes a sort of second nature with some professional men. A savant who incautiously struck the back of his head against the sidewalk the other day, piteously exclaimed; “O, my poor medulla oblongata.” The crowd thought he alluded to his wife, and that she must be some Italian lady of rank. When a Russian gets dnlnk he becomes good-natured.—Herald P. 1.-man.' If we catch your meaning, a real rushin’ drunk would teach us all to be goodnatured. Don’t believe a word of it.

There was an amateur performance on the Hill last night of a play, written for the occasion, called The Prodigal Son. The Prodigal appeared in very tattered raiment,'which displayed to full advantage a leg of such marvellous proportions below the knee that one old lady critically remarked he had violated the proprieties of the piece by bringing the fatted “ calf” with him.

We read that the marriage of a Newark belle to a rising New York lawyer has been postponed for a rather peculiar reason. The young man, while exercising with Indian clubs, “accidentally struck hia prospective mother-in-law breaking several of her ribs.” The Joke comes in at “ accidentally.” If be didn’t want her to accompany him on his wedding tour, he should have read her the imaginary reports of several frightful railroad accidents, instead brutally caving in her ribs.