Wise and Otherwise.

King Country Chronicle, Volume VIII, Issue 723, 21 November 1914, Page 3

Wise and Otherwise.

Gertie: "What are the sweetest tilings you've seen in hats this seaBon?" Bob: "The girls' faces." » * * * * I wish there were fifteen clays in a week. Why ? My sweetheart could call oftener then. *#* * . * What makes you think ho is a hypo--crite?' He smiled yesterday when his hat blew in the mud. ***** There's one good thing about our enemies. What's that? They never try to borrow money from us. * * * * * Was the play bad? Well, I shoititt say it was. Why, even the gas went out at the close of the second act. *** * * • I understand that Rushliegh made his fortune out of a simple invention. No. Out of a simple inventor. ."*,-* * * * • I hear your daughter is coming out this season ? Yes. And the bills are beginning to come in already! /* * * * - * Friend: So. your son has become an author. Does he write for money? Father: Yes, about live times a week. *#* . * » What do you consider is the proper time for a - man to marry ? Oh, I suppose when he hasn't anything else to worry him. 9 * * * * What do you think of my acting? Jolly good; but you did hotter last year. But, man, I didn't act last year. I know. *'# * * * Were you ever up before me? asked a magistrate. Shure I don't know, yer Anner. What time does yer Annex get up? tt * * * I was silly enough to tell the doctor that you sent me to him. What difference did that make? He made me pay cash! e * # # « Doctor: Now, nurse, take the patient's temperature.. Patient (feebly): Oh, doctor, do leave me something in my system. *** , * * How did you like my new tragedy Tragedy I thought it was comedy. So did I till J got my cheque"for the profits. * »' * Mistress (to cook, as the debt collector goes) : That is my brother, Jessie. Cook: Yes, I know. He was my last mistress's brother also. *** * • So she refused you? Yes. It certainly puzzles mo. Oh, well, if she had accepted you the whole world would have been puzzled. * * * * Waiter, is this tea- or oof?~e? You ordered coffee, sir. I know; but this tastes like tea. Then it's coffee right enough, sir. * # ■ # * * She: "When a man starts to talk he never stops to think." He: "And when a woman starts she never thinks to stop." ***** "This slim craze, has its disadvantages." "How?" "The narrower a girl is/ the less display space she has for diamonds." # * * * * « "But do you think I could deceive my own little wife?" "No, I know you could not, tut I believe you are Billy enough to try." i«- * * * * "Did you givo me that umbrella because you admiro me?" "Not much. I gave it you because I was tired of lending you mine." * * * * * Lottie: "I wouldn't like to be in Kittie's shoes for anything in the world." Hattie : "Of course not. They would hurt you terribly.''' ■»•: & <U $ * "You seem to have- got your boys interested in mythology very nicely." "Yes; I explained to them that Hercules held a championship." ft « « \ * * "What was the riddle of the sphinx ?', "I don't know; but, judging by a sphinx's facial expression, I don't believe it was very funny." * * » * "Did ha marry the girl who could paint things on crockery ware?" "No; he married one who could cook things to put into crockery ware." * * # * # It was the Scripture lesson. "What happens to liars when they die?" asked the teacher. "Th:y will He still,' 3 answered the bright scholar. $ # # * ft "Say, mother, will you speak to Sammy?" "What's he doin' now?" "Well, every time I hit him on de. head wid dis hammer he hollers." «. * "' # * * , y - Brown: "Opportunity is like everyone else." Jones: "In what way?" Brown: "Always anxious to call on the man who is already successful." *** . * * Molly: "Mabel boasts of having family jewels." Dolly: "Well, I know her engagement ring was in three families before Jack gave it to her." # # * * * Lady: "And is this color also genuine?" Clerk: "As ( genuine as the roses on your cheecks, miss. Lady: "H'm! Show me another one." * .* # * Coastguard: "Yes, they raise all their own vegitables on that lighthouse." Tripper: "Dear me! How do they manage *to do that?" Coastguard: ■{'With, a ■rone.' ■....-,