VERY EXCITING JOURNEY.

King Country Chronicle, Volume VIII, Issue 687, 18 July 1914, Page 3

VERY EXCITING JOURNEY.

"It's a wide, wide world," said Major Marsh. vi thought it was rounV answer ed the interested listener, giggling at his own humour. "That's because you haven't seen it, young" man," replied the major soberly. "If you have been to the Philippines by the Suez route and back by way of San Francisco four or five times you would have a little better appreciation of the dimensions of the planet. The school-books say, to be sure, that the world is ro:nd like an orange,\ but in ray humble opinion such roundness as it possesses is more of tha nature of a buzz saw. It's likely to tear you up a bit if you get in the way. "'That reminds me. Did I ever tell you how I rode 40 miles cn:e on a buzz saw? Fact. Had it built into a motor-cycle, two big circular saws and me sitting between 'em. When I got the motor well going the things cut the dust like, it was a pine saw log, and, never having ridden: a motor-cycle before, I didn't know how to stop it—had to just let it run down. My, but it was a n awful experience ! Just as I got to tearing along about ten revolutions per second I felt the saddle give under my weight. I'm a pretty heavy man, you know. I, realised that if that saddle should let me drop in between those saws, well—mind what would have happened. It tlidn't. I held my breath from fright, and that was what saved me. Holding your breath reduces your weight you know. I held my breath for so long that just as I began to feci as if I were going to burst I suddenly found myself floating right up in the air, and the buzs saws went on without me. "When I saw I was saved I breathed again, and plump I went down, down, to the very bottom of a 90foot well. You see I was too excited to be careful about He' -in-. o" + the right kind of spot to land on. The well tapped an n stream, and there was nothing for me to do but swim till I found' an outlet. My, but it was cold ! I swam and swam till I found myself rising into daylight and came up in the middle of a buffalo wallow, where a big herd of the critters had come down to drink and lathe. I climbed on the back of on 3 of 'em, being too tired to do anything else, aW he started off on a gallop across the prairie—gallopy, gallopy, gallopy, go, gallopy, gallopy, gallopy—and I really believe I'd been riding him yet if I hadn't thought to pull my trusty bowic 1 n'fe and shoot him in * the neck. "I was that tired that I just lay still in the tall buffalo grass, thinking I'd take a nice little nap before I went any farther, but the grass began to grow under me, and it grew so fast and so strong that before I realised it S was 20 leet up in the ait, sWayiug with the breeze on the top of the tall grass, and woniering how I'd ever get down without breaking my neck. And I never would have got down if a giiant butterfly hadn't come along and settled on the spear of grass next to the one which was sticking me through the spine. I grabbed that butterfly by the horns, and it started to fiay backward; dragging me over the grass, tops and making tha most awful faces at me, like an inhuman being cussing a poor little office boy. 'But I never ret go till I felt an electric shock that stiffened me out like a rooky at attention. "Then I realised that I'd run afoul of one of those Wireless telegraph messages. They ought to be forbidden, to send 'em through the atmosphere at such dangerous strength. That there wireless? current just carried me along witb it like a bilet doux or a C. Q. D'. call, which means the same thing, I suppose—come quick, dear. And the next I knew I was sliding down the receiving "pole right plump on the desk of an amateur operator on the roof of a tenstorey office building in Omaha. ''>' ' Hello,' says he., ' what fool of a sender started you this way ?' " ' Never mind who sent me,* says I. 'I want you to put me in a yellow envelope and give me to a blueuniformed boy to carry to my destination at once. I'm important.' "The boy took me dov.n the elevator, but as soon as he got to the street he had to shoot a game of craps, and I made up my mind it was time to hunt up the barracks and report for duty. I got there just as the regiment was starting to charge up Juan Hill, and, believe me, I would have placed myself at the head of my nun and beat Roosevelt to the summit, oily a giant land crab gripped me by the heel and held me back. I tried to get away from it, honest I did, for I wanted to be a hero and draw a pension, but just then a lawyer came along and grabbed me by the collar and whirled me around three or four times. " 'You big fool,' says he, 'what are you doing here ? Don't you know that 'if you want to earn a pen-ion the place for you is back in camp in Tennessee ?' "I hit hinv a crack on the jaw hard enough to drive his chin into the back of his neck, but I might have known it wouldn't be possible to make any impression on a lawyer's jaw, so I concluded the best thing to do was just to lie still and see what would happen next." "What did happen?" asked tha interested listener. ""Why, the porter came along, and I stuck my head out of my Pullman berth and asked him where we.were and he answered — ■•" 'Just passin' Utica. sab..' " "Buffalo Express.^"