ASTONISHING THE NATIVES.

King Country Chronicle, Volume VIII, Issue 648, 4 March 1914, Page 3

ASTONISHING THE NATIVES.

THE WHITE MAN'S MAGIC

The Cape to Cairo and other adventurous railways which are now thrusting their relentless steel tentacles daily deeper and deeper into regions where, until a comparatively few years ago, a white man was a rara avis, are rapidly familiarising the native with the steam engine. It had an appalling effect on King Cetewayo. who was brought to England at the close of the Zulu war. The never-ceasing flow of London's traffic, and its accompanying roa r and bustle, used to make the poor old monarch quake with terror, but a steam-engine rush'ing full tilt into a station on the Underground demoralised lnm to such an extent that he incontinently fled from the sulphurous monster, and nothing would induce him to return ! He and four Zi'.ilu satellites, by the way, are credited wiih having slaughtered and eaten a whole sheep in the drawingroom of the ex-potentate's apartments near Hyde P»rk. A BID FOR A WIFE. Strange to say, the wheels of our railway carriages mystified the late Shah of Persia more than anything else. ' His contention was that if they were to stop suddenly, the rest of the train would go on. and there v. t'Ukl be a ghastly smash-up. It was hj; when at,'the theatre wltoessiug a Shakesperean revival, sent a message to Juliet, intimating th»t if she would only give Romeo the cold shoulder and transfer her affections to him, hj« was quite ready aad willing to give the sum "of £5,G00 for her ! Balloons and lifts have proved endless sources of wonder to foreign potentates from savage climes, but one sable monarch—hailing from New Zealand, if the writer's memory serves him correctly—derived perpetual amusement and delight from — what do you think ?—the ordinary every day, or rather every night, opera hat ! All the white man's supernatural machinations were as naught compared to this miracle, and hk; Majesty was quite content to spend the whole day and a good part of the evening opening and shutting his Gibus. Probably no more ignorant r«ee of white people exists than the Boers of the "back-blocks." On being m a de prisoners during the war, they were sent down to the coast, and the remarks made by some of them on beholding the sea Tor the first time were decidedly unique. The largest piece of water any of them had previously cast eyes on was generally some inland swamp or which, although perfecHy dry for part of the year, would present some resemblance to a lake during the rainy season. One of these pastoral individuals, when the vast expanse of the South Atlantic burst upon his astonished ejaculated " Allemachtig ! Does this vlei ever get dry ?" THE FIZZING DEVIL. The writer has a particularly rivi* recollection of astonishing one native to an extent that exceeded the wildest anticipations. It was in the time of unrest just 'befo' de wah." and on opening tb* front door of our lonely African homestead one morning just after sunrise, I discovered Umbonga sitting dejectedly before the stoep. After the customary "Saku bonas," T asked what was the matter. Umbonga said ha wasn't at all well, and could I give him some "muti " (medicine) ? I said "Certainly," and went inside for a box of seidlitz powders I had had up from Durban. Taking three blue ones and three white ones (lor a Zulu has a castiron interior), I dissolved them in separate pannttrins. Then, on a mischievous impulse, instead of mixing the contents of the two pannikins and causing the effervescence, I gave one pannikin to Umbonga. He emptied it instanter. Then I gave him the other, and the circus began ! What the effervescence in his internal economy felt like I know not, hut the outward and visible effects -,-ere really wondterful- to behold. Umbonga. after a huge gasp of astonishment and terror,, emitted a horrible yell, sprang high up in the air, came flat down on his stomach, and at the top of his voice invoked the "Inkosi pezulu" (Great Chief Above) and all the saints in the Zulu calendar to delrver him from this furious, fizzling devil that had taken possession of his inside ! To the dispassionate observer, it was literally screamingly funny. When the effervescence finally subsided, Umbonga slowly rose to his feet, cast one glance of unspeakable reproach at my guilty self, and fled to his kraal.