SAYINGS IN THE ENGLISH COURTS

King Country Chronicle, Volume VIII, Issue 637, 24 January 1914, Page 3

SAYINGS IN THE ENGLISH COURTS

"I never awore, I'll take my wicked o»th," said a man at Kingston Court. "I stayed indoors so that I Bhould not come out," a woman explained to the Brentford magistrates. "A man is drunk when he goes to a tap to light his pipe," was the unusual definition given by a witness at Hull recently. "I had a lot of drink, and I do not know whether I took the pony or the pony took me," said a man at Lincoln, who was charged with stealing a horse. Witness (a married man) at Clerkenwell the other day : "If a woman could talk out of the two corners of her mouth at the same time there would be a good deal said on both sides." "Gentlemen," said counsel, addressing the jury for the defence at London Sessions, "I would ask you to bear in mind what an utter ass my client looked when in the witnoßS box." When a man charged with drunkenness at Lambeth was said to have used bad language, he indignantly protested, "I am the grandfather of ten children. My eldest son has got twins Do you think I would swear?" Muzzling was suggested by the clerk to the Bury magistrates for a , woman witness whose volubility, he declared, no reporter could grapple with. When informed that the woman was married, the clerk observed, "Then I pity your husband." On legal matters the advice of a solicitor in a northern court to a defendant whom he saved from the rig ours of the law was not bad. "I would advise you," said he to the party in question, "not to taste the 'smell' of strong drink." The metaphpor was a little mixed there is no doubt, but the advice was quite sound for all that.

Mr Symmons (at Tower Bridge Police Court, to a defendant): "The complainant says you called her a hyocrite. Did you?" The Defendant: "Yes, and I say now she is a hypocrite!" Mr Summons: "Why?" The Defendant: "Because she goes to church and chapel and owes Hie money!" M: Symmons: "Oh, don't say that, for so many of us might be brought in!" A grocer was brought before the magistrate the other day, charged with having old unwholesome and mouldy articles of consumption. "I wish to point out to the Court," said the counsel for the defence with dignified tone,, "that the house of busi ness that I have the honour to defend was founded in 1802." Here the presiding Justice broke in with the inquiry, "Has it renewed its stock since that date?"