NOTHING SERIOUS.

King Country Chronicle, Volume VII, Issue 576, 14 June 1913, Page 7

NOTHING SERIOUS.

A NEAR THING. A great military man was once on a visit to a friend of Ireland, and on the estate of his host came across an Irishman who had been in the army and had fought in South Africa. "'Wounded, were you ?" asked the great son of Mars. "Yes," replied the Irishman, "and purty badly, too. The bullet hit me right in the chest here, an' come out at my back, sur." '"Come, come, Pat ! that won't do. Why, it would have' gone right through the heart, man !" protested his questioner. But Pat was in no way abashed. "Och, good luck to me !" he replied ; "but my heart was in my mouth at the toime, or I'd have been a dead man, for sure, yer honor !" STILL UNBEATEN. The sergeant-major had the reputation of being never at a loss for an answer. A young officer one day made a bet with a brother officer that he would in less than twenty-four hours ask the sergeant-major a question that would baffle him. The sergeant-major accompanied the young officer of the "rounds," in the course of which the cook house was inspected. Pointing to a large copper of water just commencing to boil, the officer said : 'Why does that water only boil round the edges of the copper, and not in the centre ?" "The water round the edge, sir," replied the old veteran, "is for the men on guard ; they have their breakfast half an hour before the rema nder of the company !" In his hurried exit, the former fell down four steps. MORE TO FOLLOW. . Sir Arthur Conan Doyle once told an amusing story of an illiterate millionaire who gave a wholesale dealer an order for a copy of every boo'; in allr languages treating of any aspect of Napoleon's career. He thought it would fill a case in his library. He was somewhat taken abac'.C, however, when in a few weeks he received a message from the dealer that he had got 40,000 vol'.:mis, and was awaiting instructions as to whether he should send them on as an instalment or wait for a complete set: HER PROPERTY. It was at an entertainment, given in connection with the Imperial Press Conference.. Two Pressmen were "swopping stories." "I remember my first rebuff at the hands of a woman," said one. "I was junior reporter on a country paper. I was sent out to interview some of the leading townspeople as to their politics. 'Can I see Mr. So-and-So ?' I asked of a grim-visaged lady who opened the door at one house. ' No, you can't, answered the matron decisively. 'But I wish to know what party he belongs to,,' I pleaded meekly. The woman drew her hrr. i .,■-:.nit f ";re to. r- -.':':er. ' Young, man,' she said, ' take a good look at me. I'm the party he bekings to !' "