WISE AND OTHERWISE.

King Country Chronicle, Volume VII, Issue 559, 16 April 1913, Page 7

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

"Why do your always carry your umbrella?" remarked the worst bore in town. "Because," moaned his victim, "'my umbrella cannot walk." And purple silence enveloped the 2andscape for a short space.

"You treat that gentleman very respectfully." "Yes, he's one of our early settlers." "An early settler? Why, man, he's not more than forty years old.-' "No; but he pays his bills on the first of every month:"

Winks: "Folks say you always leave immediately after the sermon so as to escape the contribution box.".*. Jinks (hotly): "It is a base slander. The reason I start so early is simply to get first pick of the umbrellas." • » » "You look sweet enough to kiss." "VYVII, here is a railway station." "What's that got to do with it?" "Stupid! We'll go in there, and when the train comes in I will rush up to you and throw myself into your arms." • • ■ Secretary of Missionary Society: "We are sending you to Kai-Kai Island in the Solomons-. Is there any particular information you would like about the inhabitants?" Budding Missionary: "Er—are they vegetarians?" * • • Dealer: "Look here! The bill for that motor car I. sold you has been running for over a year now." Customer: "Let. it run. I want something connected with my motor car that will run for over half an hour without stopping." * # * "Miss Yemer," said Mr. Dubley, who is fond of dogs, "don't you think you ought to have an intelligent animal about the house, that would protect you, and—" "Oh, Mr. Dubley," giggled Miss Yerner, "this is so sudden !" « ,« * * Female Lecturer (of uncertain age): "And now let us ask ourselves the question: What is woman's sphere?" Voice from the back seats: "Why I should say woman's fear' was the chance of being left on the shelf like you." * * * * "Perkins looks very happy these days." "He has reason to be," Brown replied, "After his wife and children had been fitted out with their summer costumes, he found there was enough money left to buy a new straw hat." ***** First Sweet Young Thing: "What arc you doing here, dear?" Second Sweet Young Thing: "Looking for a husband." First Sweet Young Thing: "But you've got one." Second Sweet Young Thing: "That's the one I'm looking for." ***** "My friend, what do you do with your wages every week —put part of them in a savings bank?" Busdriver: "No, sir; after payin' the grocer, and butcher, and rent, I pack away what's left in barrels. I don't believe in savings banks." * * * * * Editor: "Why do you persist in coming here? I tell you I don't buy fiction." Author: "Oh, I don't wish to sell any of my stories! I am writing a short serial entitled, 'The Ugliest Man on Earth,' and I came in merely to obtain local iblor." ***** "Keep out of debt, young man," said the philosopher. "People will think better of you for it." "Per* baps," was the thoughtful reply: and yet I've noticed that the more I owe people the more pleased they always seem to see me." **. * * * Her Pa (entering unexpectedly): "Mr. Brown, when I was courting Mrs. Williams, she sat on one side of the room and I sat on the other.'' Her Admirer: "Ah, that's exactly what I should have done had I been courting Mrs.- Williams!" ***** "Why don't you try to write your name on the scroll of fame?" "My friends," said the severely-practical person, very earnestly, "I have never yet seen anybody tearing leaflets out of the scroll of fame and getting them cashed at the bank." * * * * * "Oh, yes," said Subbubs, "our volunteer company hais secured a fire-en-gine, but we haven't had a chance to test it yet." "No houses on fire, eh?" queried Mr. Citiman. "Yes, indeed, but they're always burnt down before 'we get there." * * * * * "We must go to some quiet, inexpensive place next summer," said the man who worries. "Great Heavens!" exclaimed his wife. "Don't talk so gruesomely. You know that there are no longer any quiet and inexpensive placefe except' cemfeteries." * * *- * * The Duke of Dedbrouck: "So young woman, you desir«e my son's title m marriage?" Amterican Heiress (bowing low): "With vour permission, your Excellency." The Duke of Dedbrouck: "Are you sure you can support it in the style befitting its rank?" ***** A man looked over his fence and said to his. neighbour: "Hey ; what are you burying tb.jiv?" "Oh,'' he said, "I am just replanting some of .my seeds." . Sreds!. Why it looks like o'iH:N>f v, y /h0t..:." "Oh, that's a'ii rig in h V,.* seeds arc in;;...';.' of a. . ji. : <* - - ■•■-•-• ■■ ■ ■■■-