JESTS AND JIBES.

King Country Chronicle, Volume VI, Issue 499, 11 September 1912, Page 7

JESTS AND JIBES.

SURVIVORS ALL. "I wos there meself ! It wos ar orful slaughter !" ' Thus the old soldier to his audi tors, whose breath was bated. '"Two 'undred men against threi 'undred," continued the veteran "and a 'and-to-'and fight larstin over seven hours ! At the end of thi action only sixty brave fellersthirty on each side —remained alive !' The old man paused solemnly. "And of that sixty boys," he pro ceeded grimly, "there on'y survive fcer-day" —overcome, he blew his nose violently—"there on'y survive to day, according to their own stories four 'undred and seventeen ter teL' the tale .'" She fooked up towards the mai standing at the back of her chair ii the box at the opera, and said sweetly—"You may look over my shoulder.' "I'm looking over both of them and they're lovely," was tne res ponse. A little girl three years of age visiting her uncle's dairy farm, was much interested ia the process o washing the milk churns. When deal cold water was put in for the fina rinsing, she innocently inquired, "I that milk now, uncle ?"

One was a navvy, the other an as tronomer ; and they were alone in { third-class railway carriage. They started to speak. ; "My .man,," said the astronomer, "have you ever gazed upon stars ?' "Yus, Bill !" replied the navvy. "My name is not William," said the astronomer politely : "but nc matter. Have you ever seen Mars or Venus ?" "Carn't say I have, Mike !" res ponded the irrepressible navvy. "Dear me !" ejaculated the astronomer. "But perhaps you- have seei Jupiter, or the comet ?" "No, not Jupiter," returned the navvy ; "but I seen almost as many comics as I seen stars. I seer George Robey, Little Tich, Free Karno's Company, an' Marie Lloyd !' Teacher : "What is a person caller who steals ?" No answer. Teacher : "Now, Tommy, supposi I were to put my hand in your poc ket and take out a penny, whal would you call me?" Tommy (fully -conscious of a scar city of coin): "Please, sir, you would be a conjurer." She—You weren't at the Watsons dinner on Tuesday night ? He —I staid away ou account of i personal matter. She—May I ask what it was ? He —Will you promise to keep i* secret ? She—Yes. He—Well, they failed to send m< an invitation. Grace : "Dr. Squills is practisinj now, isn't he ?" Ethel (blushing): "Yes." Grace : "What are his hours ?" Ethel : "From eight to ten usually but. when pa's out he stays later."