SCOTS WIT AND HUMOR.

King Country Chronicle, Volume VI, Issue 449, 20 March 1912, Page 7

SCOTS WIT AND HUMOR.

SOME EXAMPLES. The wit of a nation is reflected in its proverbs : many of the Scots smell of the soil. Thus, "A' Stuartf are nae sib to the king"—every person called Stuart is not of Royal descent. Some Lowland sayings original!} reflect on the Highlanders. "Where Allen Gregor fand 'the tings," obviously at the fireplace, refers to the Highlander's habit of "lifting" anything from his neighbour or anybody else. And again, "it's no sne Hielnn' " —meaning not so bad —cx presses the ancient contempt for thi wild dwellers of the northern ■mountains. "Like a sow playing on a trump," the trump being a Jew's harp, is incongruous and comical : but is bettered by '"Girning like a tup's heid amang the tongs," whict refers to the custom of singeing the sheep's head at a forge, before it is prepared for the table. The woe-be gone, comical expression of the head smoking from the fire, gives poinl to the proverb. The proverbs relating to women are, on the whole*, complimentary. "It's nae mair pity to see a woman greet nor to see a goose gang bair fit," is an exception, an echo, as it were, from the hard, cruel, times ol old Scots history ; but, "she's better than she's bonnie," is a fi ne compliment ; and so is "a bonnie bride's sune buskit," whilst "marry for love and work for siller" has a cheerful, honest, hopeful ring about it. "He that will to Cupar maun to Cupar," is merely, a wilful man must have his way, with a local touch. "Let that flea stick to the wa\" meaning say no more on a troublesome subject, is snatched from the natural history of a troublesome insect, onct at any rate, too common in tht north. A regular toast at a Scots public dinner is "the clergy of all denominations." This would seem strange to many an English churchman. "How can there be denominations of clergy ?" he would ask. Two women are discussing their favourite minister., one praises his last discourse highly. "But did you understand it ?" said her companion. "Understand it ?" cried the other, *•* l would not presume to understand it !" Again, a preacher is troubled with a draught from every corner of bis church ; he thunders in his best pulpit manner —"Shut the west door, and shut the east door, and shut the north door, and shut the south door." "A fine sermon," said one to another. "Aye, yes, he was granc on the doors." But the hearers are not often mere blind idolaters, and merciless or bitter criticism of the sermon is common enough. "If you feel inclined to sleep, take a pinch of snuff," said a pastor to a somnolent member of his congregation. "Wad it no be better to put the snuff into the sermon ?" was the other's retort, brief, pointed, pawky, and quite admirable. Less just was the answer of the heritor to the demand for a stove to warm the kirk, "John Knox never wanted a , stove in his kirk." The prejudice against read sermons is strong in the north and the case against them could not be better put than was once done by au irate listener. "I hae three objections to this sermon —(1) it was read, (2) it wasna weel read, (3) it was no worth *eading." The weakness of the modern liberal school is struck at in another anecdote. Here the minister >vas not supposed to be '"sound" on ".he orthodox doctrine n? to the failire of the wicked. The attendance 'ell off, and his "man" gave as a reason the mildness of his discourses 'a kirk without a hell's no worth a iockin."

The subject of a sermon was known is its "ground." A somewhat vague preacher was wandering about his theme. "What's his grun ?" said ene perplexed hearer of another. "Oh !" was the answer, "the silly body has ;ost his grun lang syne, he's just soomin'." In one or two cases tin divines give sly hits at one another. Thus an Edithburg minister has got wet in a shower, he is about to ascend the pulpit, but is much concerned that he is not dry. "Just get up and begin," said the other, and you'll soon be dry enough." Among a people to whom their creed was literature, philosophy, and theology at once, perpetual discussion of the points was both a pleasure and a duty. Dr. Norman Macleod used to tell of his first visit tc a deaf old woman in his parish ; it was explained to her that this was the new minister ; she applied her 3ar trumpet, pointed it at him, and began, "just rin me ower the fundamentals/' The answers of children to Biblical questions are often quaint anc unexpected. This curious response gains much from the dialect wherein it is expressed. The question was, "Why did the Israelites make a golden calf ?" "Because." said a little girl, '"they hadna so muckle siller as wad mak a coo." —From "The Scotland of To-day. "