WISE AND OTHERWISE.

King Country Chronicle, Volume VI, Issue 444, 2 March 1912, Page 6

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

STRATEGY DID IT. "The baby's name," announced Mrs Wheeler, calmly, "is to be Heplizibah." "What !" exclaimed Wheeler. "But I say, Harriet, think of what you're doing for the little one ! Such a name will be a handicap throughout her life !" "Her name is to be Hephzibah," repeated Mrs, Wheeler. "It was my dear mother's name, aud it means 'my delight is in her.' If you don't think those sufficient reasons I do." Wheeler sat quietly for a while, and then a crafty look crept athwart his visage, and he smiled. "When I come to think of it," he said, "I don't know that I object to the name. I was once engaged to a sweet girl whose name was Hephzibah, and " "I've been thinking over it," interrupted Mrs. Wheeler, haughtily. "The baby's name is to be Harriet !' THE ONLY THING HE COULD DO. One day a gentleman called at the office of a certain newspaper, and said to the editor : "Sir, it is announced in your paper that I am dead." "Well," replied the editor, "'if it is in our paper, it is correct." "It is not correct, for here I am alive," rejoined the other. "Well it cannot be helped," said the editor. "But 1 expect you to contradict it," said the injured man. "No, I cannot do that," said the editor, "as we never contradict anything that happens in our paper. I will do the only thing I can do. Tomorrow I will put you in the list of births." SOMETHING SOFT AND SWEET. A minute or so before the express was timed to start on its long journey, a lady made her appearance at a carriage window, and summoned the newspaper boy. She examined all the papers in his basket without finding any periodical to suit her. '"Haven't you something satisfying —sweet and soft ?" she asked. The lad eyed his would-be customer for a moment, then, moving away,

said : "It's a' apple-dumplin' you want, mum —not a pyper !" HIS REVENGE. "Dear," said the young- wife, "I just can't wait till your birthday to tell you what I've got you for a, present." "Well," replied tho young husband, "what is it?" "I've got you a new rug to put in front of the dressing-table and a marble clock for the drawing-room mantel," was the answer. "Now, what are you going to get me ?" "Well," said he, with the steely glitter of revenge in his eye, "suppose I get you a new shaving-mug and a razor ?" Elderly Lady : "Doctor, I am troubled wiih a hallucination that I am being followed by a man. What sort oF cure would you suggest ?" Dr. Blunt : "A mirror." "He is tho most, obstinate man I ever saw." said the first lawyer. "Is lie ?" said bis friend. "Yes ; he refuses to take advice even when lie pays for it,"