A PATENT HAIR RESTORER.

King Country Chronicle, Volume V, Issue 379, 19 July 1911, Page 7

A PATENT HAIR RESTORER.

"Now, gentlemen," began the fakir, as he arranged half a hundred bottles on the temporary table at the street corner, "I am here to sell the original and only Patagonian Hair Restorer. It has been in use thirty odd years and has been tried by millions of people, and yet I have never heard of an instance where it failed to act as warrented. If it fails to produce a growth of new hair on the head within six weeks I agree tc forfeit c£soo. I have deposited the money in the Bank of England, and shall be here about three months. Who buys the first bottle ?" "Look a-here, mister," said an olu man, as he pressed forward, "wasn't you down to Skinnersville last Spring ?" "Skinnersville? I believe I was." "Wasn't you sellin' the same stufl iown there ?" "Stuff ! I was selling my Patagonian Hair Restorer, sir !" "Waal, I want you to look at my lead," continued the old chap, as he uncovered a poll as smooth and shiny as a new dinner plate, "I bought a bottle of that ile " "He ! Do you mean my hair reiewer ?" "Exactly ; you warrented it to force a growth of new ha'r inside of six weeks. I used it. Whar's the growth? Whar's the new ha'r?" "My friend," said the fakir, as hj: grew very solemn, "do you recall the words blown into glass?" "No, I don't remember." "Then let me jog your recollection. It says on every bottle : 'Not warranted in the case of an old baldheaded coon looking for a third wife.' S T ow, then, you were looking, weren't foil ?" '"Yaas, I was lookin,' and I go. her, too, and you can go to pot witb your old whitewash !" "My friend, I " "And I got a hundred-acre farm with her, and she's expectin' £IOO a year annuity from her Uncle Joseph; and if I was sixty-five years youngei I'd lick ye outer yer butes for a deceiver !" "My friend, I " '"Growth of new hair be durned !" shouted the old man as he bucked off. "Didn't need no new ha'r, nor any ha'r at all- She'd been lovin' me for twenty years, and jumped at th< chance to hev me ! Go to ballyhacl with yer old Pattygonian dishwatei and don't never speak to me agin."