NOTHING SERIOUS.

King Country Chronicle, Volume V, Issue 365, 31 May 1911, Page 2

NOTHING SERIOUS.

NO WONDER HE FIZZED. The man stammered painfully as he stood in the dock at the police-court. His name was Sissons, and it was very difficult for him to pronounce his own namo. He had had the misfortune to stay out late and make an uproar the previous night, so that he had to account for it before the magistrate next morning. "What is your name ?"• asked the magistrate. Sissons began to reply : '' Sss-ss-ssss-sss '' "Stop that noise, and tell me your name," said the magistrate, testily. ' 'Sss-ss-ssss-sss '' '•'That will do," growled the magistrate, severely. "Constable, what is this man charged with?" "Begorra, yer wurship, I think he's charged wid sodywather !'* replied the policeman, earnestly.

A sailor who had been to a church service, where he heard some fine music, was afterwards descanting upon an anthem which had given him much pleasure. A listening shipmate finally asked : "I say, Bill, what's a hanthem ?"

"What ?" exclaimed Bill. "Do you mean to say you don't know what a hanthem is ?" "Not me."

"Well, then, I'll tell yer. If I was to ask yer, " 'Ere, Bill, give me that 'andspike,' that wouldn't be a hanthem. But if I was to say, "Bill, Bill, Bill, give, give, give me, give me that, Bill, give me, give me that 'and, give me that 'andspike, spike, spike, Bill, give me that, that 'and, 'andspike, 'and, 'andspike, spike, spike, spike. Ahmen, ahmen. Bill, give me that 'andspike, spike. Ahmen !' why, that would be a hanthem."

The ground floor of the church was pretty full, but a low, dark gallery near the roof was apparently deserted. The wedding ceremony proceeded on the even tenor of its way until the minister inquired if anyone present knew any reason why the couple before him should not be united in the holy bonds of matrimony. There was "silence for a moment, and then a small, thin voice in the gallery was heard to say : "Yes, I do." All eyes were turned to the gallery, where the figure of a small, milk-and-watery-looking individual was barely discernible in the gloom. "State your reason," said the minister, fixing the protester with a steely eye. A fit of uncontrollable mirth seized all present when there came from the gallery the diffident reply : "Please, sir, I want the girl myself."

Quericus : "Who is the happier, a man who has £IOO,OOO, or one who has seven daughters?" Rabbi : "The latter." "Why?" "The man with £IOO,OOO wants more, the other doesn't."

About sixty per cent, oi the total revenue of civilised nations goes for military expenditure.