Random Remarks.

King Country Chronicle, Volume II, Issue 97, 4 September 1908, Page 3

Random Remarks.

[Contributions to this column are always welcome from any part of the district. The Editor does not_ vouch for the authenticity of the stories, nor is he responsible for the criticisms.]

Spring is in the atmosphere, and with it comes the singing of the birds, the welcome sunshine, and the desire in the heart of roan to evinco his gratitude to Nature for conferring a season of geniality upon Mother Earth. The gratitude of the careful husbandman is evidenced by vegetable plots well planted, and local history is enriched by stories of the record pumpkin, and how the potato blight was beaten. Other members of the community, who may also be husbandmen, display their sentiment by means of tennis, cricket, and sundry other games dependant upon the gregarious instinct and seasonable weather. It is said by some that there is a game called bowls much favoured by mortals as a medium for the display of emotional gratitude, and certain courageous Te Kuitians are credited with a desire to introduce the game to the King Country.

Local residents should exercise great care in connection with the bowling experiment, as when glancing through an exchagne the other day the writer noticed a heading devoted to "Bowling Spasms." It is a pity the game should induce spasms, as attacks of that kind are only dealt with successfully by a "wee drappie" of the best Scotch, and this is a prohibition country. Since writing the foregoing a well informed friend has told me that the renowned Drake was indulging in a game of bowls when the Spanish Armada was sailing up the*Englrsh Channel: Strange happenings do occur, and great men are notorious for their eccentricities, do not scoff openly. Still Drake, ffbm all accounts was not given to making 'ducks and drakes' of his opportunities when a scrap was imminent. Moreover, I am* content to leave it to any unprejudiced person to decide as to whether a man with an Armada on his chest would waste preciousTwne in rolling a ball along the grass, to say nothing of risking an attack of spasms. If, as is claimed, the historians are against me, all I can say is that scribes in the Elizabethan age must have been chronic sufferers from spasms, and took the othodox medicine to excess.

Lotus land, although discovered by many people in many climes, and under greatly varied conditions, is unfortunately out of reach of ordinary humanity, unless at very odd times. However, the estimable member for the Western Maori electorate has evidently found thejdesirable land, and is loth to leave it. The worthy Henare is to be envied, as lotus land is free from sordid politics and the harassing claims of everyday life. Moreover, a grateful country gladly pays him £3OO a year for remaining there, and taking care of himself, instead of undergoing the worries of Parliamentary work. Kaihau is accompanied on the present occasion by His Majesty Mahuta, who is also paid an honorarium by a dutiful Government. It is hoped the effect of the lotus hunt by the admirable pair will be productive of good results, the moat desirable of which would be the return of Pepene Eketone to Parliament in place of Kaihau. Pepene is a man who is afflicted with a desire to see his. people process. Also he has no partiality for the lotus, and may be expected to attend to his Parliamentary duties quite as keenly as the present member avoids doing so..

There must be a fearful number of stray horses in the district judging from the experience of a friend \of mine. In a weak moment he inserted an advertisement in the "Chronicle" notifying the presence of a strange horse on his property. The result was alarming and it led him to the conclusion set for th in the opening lines of this paragraph. Each mail for a week letters by the score were received from all possible corners, and each day for the same period brought personal applications from all sorts and conditions of people. One irate individual wanted to fight when a doubt was cast on his claim, and there are several actions pending for unlawful detention. In addition my friend's household expenses in the matter of oil for the midnight lamp, which was burned when

penning replies to the enquirers at a distance, bears eloquent testimony to his labours in the interests of the

public. Meanwhile the equine graces placidly, wa::es fat, and would probably kick , if approached. The white elephant claims the dignity of age as the record infliction, but when I wished to get even with a man I shall discover a stray horse within his fence and persuade him to advertise for an owner.

Spring, the Santa Glaus of the grownup mind, is heralding its approach by certain time honoured signals, and already the übiquitous prophet is rampant in the land scattering predictions as to the probable length, bread tfcjmjd general conditions of the coming mer. TV.e weather prophet is an inSr-

esting study, or rather he would be, if he was content to commit his predictions tr< writkur, instead of inflicting them on his friends upon every possible occasion. Last season was the -olden opportunity of the prophet, and he had ordinary mortals athis mercy. Obscure indications, unnoticed by the unassuming individual, are seized upon by the prophet to hurl in argument at his victim. The bloom of Native trees and shrubs is a common indication and we have all been educated to the flax stick theory. The actions of insects and animals are gravely referred to, and even the innocent flirtations of the Mother Moon are laid bare by the irresponsible prophet in his insane desire to convince people thta he knows more than they do. In truth, "'tis a mad world my masters," and colour is lent to the fact by the actions of those who consider they possess the most knowledge. Why not attempt to canceal the weakness?

There are to be great junketings at the opening of the new Te Kuiti Hall on Thursday next, and the hospitality of the proprietor will doubtless be widely accepted. No doubt the building will be christened, though in the eyes of some it seems a pity the ceremony will have to be performed with a less effective liquid than is usually employed. However, the_ performance will be successfully and decorously accomplished providing the oldest inhabitant is consulted. The elderly one, in conversation the other day, remarked that he felt much better in health since Fleet time, when he registered a vow to drink nothing stronger than water, till the next visit of the Fleet. But harking back to the new hall, it is pleasing to observe that the celebrations are to be in keeping with the importance of the building. The first and most important feature of the proceedings is to commence at 1 p.m. When the celebrations are to conclude is discreetly withheld. A time limit to that sort of thing is apt to be irksome.