Random Remarks.

King Country Chronicle, Volume II, Issue 93, 31 July 1908, Page 3

Random Remarks.

rCmitributlsr.-: to this coin run are ahvara; weicanm mam any ja:rt or the district. The Editor does not vouch for tho authenticity of the Tories, nor is he responsible for the criticisms.] , The history of the Main Trunk line -.vouldj if faithfully, .recorded, be'a valuable addition to New Zealand literature. A " casus belli;'".' at all times between the Govenraient of;the day-and the Auckland public, the famous railway'.is- maintaining its reputation to the bitter end.; From present appearances it is safe to assume that if the. proposed time-table is carried into effect, the end' will be more than bitter for a large section of the before mentioned public. A parallel bitween Auckland and Ireland will appear far-fetched, but it may be said that if Ireland is the brightest jewel in England's crown, so is Auckland the choicest and most desirable portion of the Dominion. Nor is the proverbial grievance lacking, and the outcry regarding the proposed railway time-table,,is but the particular burning injustice of the moment. There are always others, "and our Southern -legislators are but heaping up the total of inflictions, which will be remembered against.them in the time when, the North shall become all powerful, and hold the destiny of the South in the hollow of her hand. In the present instance it is stated that unless the Minister for Railways stays his hand he is to be . reported to the Maniapoto Rugby Union. If the refjortis true the Minister has my sympathy. His sins may be legion, but surely he* has not' merited such a. fate. .

Emerson has said : " Our faculties are enlarged on the departure of a friend. By a conversation overheard at •Te Kuiti railway station as the train was leaving, one could argue "that one's, thirst was also .enlarged. Doubtless it is now old-fashioned to wish a friend. " God . speed." More . important seems to be a few solemn injunctions to return with various I bottles or else make one's absence 'permanent. It has been proposed that on the decease of some of the Te Kuitites the following verse should be substituted for the- " Dead March in Saul": % To get each drop of beer in' him - Did seem his labour here, 'But now we guess his toils are less For he is in the bier. V * *■ * : The much - boomed Fleet visit is rapidly approaching, and country people are preparing to visit the metropolis to satisfy their natural curiosity. Auckland tradespeople, who looked forward to large orders and profitable business from the Fleet, are disappointed at the news that provision ships will accompany . the fleet, and the prospect of business is small. Also, sale week among the drapers has just eventuated, and country people, with the prospect of a week's excitement ahead during Fleet time, have been faced with the* alternative of choosing between two pleasures. The proverbial cake cannot be both eaten and kept, except by the fortunate ones, so the edible in question-is not proving as enjoyable as usual. Still, Christmas is coming, and the sun continues to shine (occa-sionally),-and the Main Trunk line will shortly be opened, besides which the Ohura County will soon be a material fact. It is also stated that the earth will probably continue to revolve, so that taking everything into consideration we should not give ourselves completely over to despair.

Britishers are said to take their pleasures sadly, and presumably the colonial offshoots of the parent tree inherit the deplorable tendency. The remark was originally made by a member of a continental nation which cultivates laughter along with grapes. The simple existence iii itself is said to induce bouyancy of life, and lighthcartedness. Allied with the juice of the grape, which in certain cases produces light-headedness, there is a combination to which laughter is as natural as water to a duck. Why the Britisher should not take his pleasure sadly, was evidently not explained by the critic, unless Britons have beeri cradled in the creed that laughter en beer leads to apoplexy, while laughter and wine have a natural affinity. Beer and sadness ; wine and laughter; and whisky and boiste'rousness might be associated, judging from local experience. The foregoing seems, incomplete without, a headache appearing somewhere. Possibly it is concealed in the moral.

In spring the amateur gardener is a mighty man in the land, arid though the welcome season is hardly on hand yet, the gardener aforesaid has begun to exhibit signs of . activity,. ' and annoy his neighbours. To the naturally easy-going- man who earnestly desires to live at peace with his fellowbeings, the person who- spends, his time leaning.on a spade and discussing the. potato blight with his next door neighbour, is something more than an infliction. He is held up as an example of industry and worth by the easy-going one's better half, until the estimable, man' is induced to buy a spade and endeavour to strike out into paths of industry, for which Nature never intended him. Naturally his efforts are attended with poor results, arid 'the' amount of .weeding necessary makes it imperative for him to spend time—which could be profitably employed;in smoking or reading—chasing the agile snail, or combatting the inroads of innumerable garden pests. • A word of advice gleaned from a wide experience is hereby, tendered: Keep fowl?, and make judicious use of the time-worn platitude that fowls and a garden are an impossible-combination. An alternative lies in keeping a gun and •shooting the iirir/hbaurmg gardeners. But that is an ex tie mo measure. An Irishman came lu-me one night -vim a d.oo craim based rmmd his bat. " Why alike," exclaimed his Wsi.g " v/hat ; re v: weariiv Jmt there maammn! rhl.m a. r? ,; " I'm vrcarin' it for yer first hu-.band." remied Mike I firmly. " I'm sorry he's dead.