Wit and Humour.

King Country Chronicle, Volume II, Issue 91, 17 July 1908, Page 4

Wit and Humour.

Considerate Censorship. your father know I love you?" "No. Papa isn't very well, and we've kept it from him.'' In the reading-room of a certain exclusive club there is this notice displayed Permitted Here ! "' "Johnny, what is a hypocrite?'' asked a teacher of a pupil. " A boy wot comes to school with a smile on his face! " was the answer. "Do you take me for a fool ?" asked a county court judge of a barrister. " I hope your Honor will not compel me to reply to that question ? " was the reply. Tram inspector, glancing at a ticket handed to him, |" Sorry, sir, but we don't go as far as that this journey." " Far as what? " " Blank's, the pawnbroker's." Not Risking His Life.—Mrs. Coldstream —" Would you like a glass of water, my good man ? " The Tramp —" Not much ! None of dese newfangled drinks for me.'' " What's your opinion of iSmithwick's new novel- very realistic, isn't it?" "Yes; when I came to a sixpage description of a yawning chasm, it actually sent me to sleep ! " Molly—" When you spoke to Papa, did you tell him you had £SO in the bank ? " George —" Yes. my darling." Molly—"And what did he say?" George—" He borrowed it. darling." " Miss Morton told me that she thought you were a humorist," remarked one young man to another. " Really, I—""" At least, she said you were a funny little man ! " interrupted the first speaker. Consistent.—" Officer, what is the charge against this man?'' inquired the judge. "He called me a lobster, your honour." replied the officer. " Ah," exclaimed the judge. " so you immediately pinched him, eh ? " Family Matters. —"How old is your child?" asked a tram conductor. "Seven," replied the mother. As the conductor passed up the crowded, car the little boy called after him, "And mother's thirty-eight ! " " Open your mouth : I shall not hurt you—you will feel no pain." said a dentist to a patient. " Doctor." exclaimed the latter, after the operation had been performed, " now J know what Ananias did for a .living ! " Wasted Caution.—Smith—" What's that piece of string tied round your finger for?" Jones —"My wife put it there to remind me to mail her letter." Smith —"And did you mail it?" Jones- "No. She forgot to give it to me."