LAZINESS.

Kaikoura Star, Volume XIX, Issue 2053, 30 March 1900, Page 8

LAZINESS.

Even the preachers are not averse to a ioke that lies in the line of the professional funny man. One of them not long ago told the following when he was invited to speak:—A traveller discovered a man lying on the ground one warm day within a foot or two of the shade of a tree. ” Why don’t you lie in the shade?” he inquired. ‘I did.” replied the man, ” but it has moved away from me, and I can’t afford to follow it.” ” Well, if you are not the best specimen of a azy man I have seen yet ? Make me another remark on a par with that and I'll give you iquarter." The man said, “ Put the quarter .nto my pocket.” He got it. CROSS PURPOSES. An Irishman one morning went out very sarly in search of some game on an estate where the game laws were strictly enforced. Turning a sharp corner, whom did he meet but the gentleman who owned the estate. Paddy, seeing the game was up, coolly advanced towards the gentleman and said, ” The top of the morning to your honour I and what brought your honour out so early this morning ?” The gentleman replied by saying, " Indeed, Paddy, I just strolled out to see if I could find an appetite for my breakfastand then, eyeing Paddy rather suspiciously, said, " and now, Paddy, what brought you out so early this morning?” Paddy replied, “ Indade, your honour, I just strolled out to see if I could find a breakfast for my appetite 1” THE FEATHERS MAKE THE BIRD. The biggest of all really powerful flying birds are, I believe, the wandering albatross and the South American condor ; for the roc I reject outright as worthy only of the most restricted Arabian and noctural ornithology. Seen on the wing, or even with the wings expanded merely, both these great existing birds have a most majestic and colossal appearance. But feathers in such cases are very deceptive ; they make fine birds out of very small bodies. For example, our well-known little English swift, which looks so imposing in flight as it passes over-head with pinions poised, is hardly as big when plucked as a man's top thumb joint, and weighs only half an ounce. So, too, the albatross, though its expanse of wing is said to exceed that of any other known bird, amounting sometimes to nearly ten feet from tip to tip, does not average in weight more than fifteen pounds, which is just exactly the poulterer’s statement for my last family Christmas turkey. As for the condor, while he spans from wing to wing some eight feet, his length from beak to tail is only three and a half, and I doubt if he would pluck into anything corresponding to his magnificent outer show —though I am bound to admit that I have never personally tried the unpleasant experiment.—The Cornhill Magazine. CHECKED PERSPIRATION. This is the fruitful cause of sickness, disease, and death to multitudes every year. If a tea-kettle of water is boiling on the fire steam is seen issuing from the spout, carrying the extra heat with it, but if the lid be fastened down and the spout be plugged, a destructive explosion follows in a very short time. Heat is constantly generated within the human body by the chemical disorganisation, the combustion of the food we eat. There are seven millions of tubes or pores on the surface of the body, which in health are constantly open, conveying from the system by what is called insensible perspiration this internal heat, which, having answered its purpose, is passed off like the jets of steam which are thrown from the escape-pipe, in puffs, of any ordinary steam engine; but this insensible perspiration carries with it, in a dissolved form, very much of the waste matter of the system, to the extent of a pound or two or more, every twenty-four hours. It must be apparent, then, that if the pores of the skin are closed, if the multitude of valves which are placed over the whole surface of the human body are shut down, two things take place. First, the internal heat is prevented from passing off, it accumulates every moment, the person expresses himself as burning up, and large draughts of water are swallowed to quench the internal fire—this we call ” Fev«r.” When the warm steam is constantly escaping from the body in health it keeps the skin moist, and there is a soft pleasant feel and warmth about it. But when the pores are closed the skin feels harsh and hot and dry. But another result follows the closing of thepores of the skin, and more immediately dangerous: a main outlet for the waste of the body is closed, it remingles with the blood, which, in a few hours, becomes impure, and begins to generate disease in every fibre'of the system —the whole machinery of the man becomes at once disordered, and he expresses himself as ••feeling miserable." The terrible effects of checked perspiration of a dog, who sweats only by his tongue, is evinced by his becoming ” mad.” The water runs in streams from a dog’s mouth in summer, if exercising freely. If it ceases to run that is hydrophobia. If has been asserted by a French physician that if a person suffering under hydrophobia can be only made to perspire freely he is cured at once. It is familiar to the commonest observer that in all ordinary forms of disease the patient begins to get better the moment he begins to perspire, simply because the internal heat is passing off, and there is an outlet for the