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PONS ASINORUM.

(A Diverting Story of the vt’iaiau Bridge.)

By “

Plautus."

The Amuri County Council met, And by its Council swore That those who did oppose their Loans Should use their Bridge no more. By the Lord of Leslie Hills they vowed, And set a trysting day, And on .that morning forth he went Frowning in, dark array.

From East and West, from North and South The Wool-Kings flocked in fast, The Chairman in his eager haste By them'all went rushing past. ‘ Now let’s to business boys,’ he cried ‘ You know why we havc-s«<?t,' We’ve been dsfied, our scheme opposed, By a Democratic set.'

* We’ve tried to save our rates by loans, But others did oppose it. So now, for lesson, we’ll close their Bridge ; Will any man propose it ?’ St. Leonards thought : ‘ Ah ! here’s my chance, The time without a doubt, ~ For we can now retaliate And pay these paupers out.’ Immediately St. Leonards rose This motion then proposed, : ‘ Mr Chairman I will move The Bridge be duly closed. We’ve been treated, Mr, contemptuously In reference to our Loans. We have them now, so down them.’ * Hear, hear,’ says Pahau Jones. Then Pahau on his feet arose. ‘I second that,’ says he, * With every word St. Leonards says I candidly agree. You think I’m insignificant, Because, Sir, I’m so small, But I possess my fifteen votes, And that, Sir, licks you all. They put us down as Social Pests. Well, this to me is clear, If ’twere not for our plural votes There’d few of us be here.’ Lyndon now asserts bis rights. Quoth he: ‘ Your hUUUCI.

If you block the bridge, as things are now, You’ll commit a stupid blunder.

’Tis a suicidal policy, Your gain will be our loss, The Amuri sales will soon be here And how are our sheep to cross ? *On the face of it the thing’s absurd, 'Tis better far, I say, To strike a Special Rate than that, But what say you, Achray ?’

Achray replies, ‘ Yes, yes, ’tis wrong, It’s base and mean besides, We’ll make ourselves the laughing stock Of all the countryside.

‘ No, no, we cannot close the bridge, Not yet, at any rate. I think ’tis best, as Lyndon says, To strike a Special Rate.’ Balmoral here pricks up bis ears, ‘ What! A Special Rate ? No fear I A Special Rate to me will mean A hundred pounds a year 1

‘ Close the bridge and save our rates, What use to pander thus. Uphold, like men, the Squatter's Rights. Who dare dictate to us ?’

A stalwart form now greets the chair, ’Twas Mendip calm and bland, The only hope poor Waiau has To lend a helping hand.

Says he, ‘ Your actions, Gentlemen, I really can’t defend, And what your motives are, I’a» sure, I cannot comprehend.

* It’s a cowardly action, say the least, And very wrong indeed. Pray, how are Derrett’s mails to cross? Are we not to study Creed ? ‘ The man who approves of such a course Has a heart as hard as stone, I’ll vote against such conduct, Sir, If I should stand alone.

‘ Such baseless tactics, too, will breed 111 feeling thro’ the town, 7 be chances are they’ll up in arms And pull the barrier down.'

Their Chieftain now assumes the air Of dignified precision, Each Councillor, in fear and dread, Awaits his Chief’s decision.

Sublime he stood, the great I AM, Amuri’s King of Kings, The man to whom they must submit, To whom the Council clings.

‘ Councillors,and Gentlemen,’ The great Pooh-Bah began, ‘ My will is law and must be done, •Deny that if you can. ‘St. Leonards’ views and mine agree. And Pahau’s not amiss. Though we don’t agree as brothers should, I’m with Pahau in this. ‘Balmoral has my sympathies, I’m dead against Achray ; I don’t approve of special ratesFor why ? 'Tis we would have to pay. ‘ Poor Lyndon seems to sore lament We’d take so bold a measure, But if j’twere not for his wool and sheep He’d close the bridge with pleasure. ‘But Lyndon, you can rest assured, We'll make no foolish blunder— We'll just erect a barricade And let the sheep go under. ‘And Mendip, Waian'e champion— The people’s gallant knight— Maintains they’ll pull the structure down. Well! the chances are they might. ‘ But let them dare, and by my faith, They'll taste some bitter pills, As sure as I’m Amuri’s Chief And Lord of Leslie Hills. ‘ Now, gentlemen, all arguments And wrangling I denounce— The motion's carried, five to three, We close the bridge at once. ‘So now, O’Malley, take your men, Proceed without delay; You’ll hold the bridge at any cost, And keep tbe town at bay.’ ‘ Your orders I’ll obey, sir ; My forces soon I’ll rally. I’ll hold the bridge at any cost,’ Replied the brave O’Malley. Right worthy of distinction, too, Those gallants proved to be ; The bridge was blocked and bravely held By O’Malley’s dauntless three. A mighty storm of wrath arose As the news to Waiau sped— Creed cursed the squatters right and left, And Derrett scratched his head. Says Derrett, to bis comrade Creed, ‘ Ah ! Creed, we’re but their tools.’ Savs Creed to Derrett. ‘ Whet -"<» Pray, but squatter-ridden fools !’ I’ve dreamt that I’m the bloomin’ bridge, With barricades before me, Our coaches blocked on either side, While the squatters’ sheep run o’er me.' But yet, withal, the blockade held Till Race day came around, When in some mysterious way, alas, The barricades came down ! Thrice the structure came to grief, Thrice the braves renewed it, O'Malley raved and tore his hair, Then came and calmly viewed it. Again in solemn conclave These worthy Councillors met, Their Chairman, in a solemn tone, Expressed his deep regret: ‘ I closed the bridge in haste,’ said he, ‘ But on calmer thoughts I rue it; I’ve had a lawyer’s sound advice, And I find we cannot do it. ‘ So, to rectify the error made, I will a plan expound — We’ll just expend a pound or two, Then pass the bridge as sound.' So now, my friends, the bridge is safe, Our wrongs are put to rights, Derrett’s troubles now are o’er, And Creed can sleep at nights. i

Permanent link to this item
Hononga pūmau ki tēnei tūemi

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/KAIST18980729.2.1

Bibliographic details
Ngā taipitopito pukapuka

Kaikoura Star, 29 July 1898, Page 3

Word count
Tapeke kupu
1,031

PONS ASINORUM. Kaikoura Star, 29 July 1898, Page 3

PONS ASINORUM. Kaikoura Star, 29 July 1898, Page 3

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