Cleanings.

Kaikoura Star, Volume XIV, Issue 762, 7 August 1894, Page 2

Cleanings.

She Stoops to Conquer.

The Doctor, said, ‘ She must go out And take some exercise : You must not let her mope about As she does in this wise.’

In vain I coaxed and begged and plead, Cajoled her and abused ; ‘ I feel too tired,’ was all she said ; And still she sat and mused.

And then I had a brilliant thought, And seized at once upon it;

That day a stunning dress I bought, Also a cunning bonnet.

And now she goeth forth arrayed In all her panoply To see if there is wife or maid Who is well-dressed as she.

Her health and colour have returned— Her interest in life ; But to this day, I’ve not discern'd Who’s fooled—l, or my wife !

Illogical.

In the battle of Austerlitz a body of beaten Russians, .about. 5,000 strong, strove to escape across the ice on the Satschan Lake. Napoleon ordered his artillery to fire on the ice, which was shattered, and the men and horses slowly settled down into the depths, only a few escaping by means of poles and ropes thrust out from shore by the French.

Next morning Napoleon, riding round the positions, saw a wounded Russian officer clinging to an ice-floe 100 yards out and entreating help. The Emperor became intensely interested in the succour of the man. After many failures Marbot and another officer stripped and swam out, gradually brought the ice-floe towards the shore, and laid the Russian at Napoleon’s feet. The Emperor evinced more delight at this rescue than he had manifested when assured of the victory of Austerlitz. He had no compunction as to the fate of the unfortunates whom his artillery practice of the day before had sent to their deaths.—Archibald Forbes.

Glass-Filling for Teeth.

German dentists, according to an article by Reichert in ‘ Zahntechnische Reform,’ translated in * The Odontograpbic Journal,’ of Rochester, U.S.A., are using glass filling for teeth in cases where the cavities can be easily reached and looked into. The cavity is first prepared as usual, but always in some sharp angled form, since if the borders are rounded the glass will not hold firmly. A piece of gold foil is then cut, and inserted on pincers wound with cotton, at the same time gently rotated, so as to form a cup the exact shape of the cavity. The cup so formed is withdrawn carefully a most delicate operation —and filled with powdered glass mixed with distilled water. The whole is placed over a spirit lamp until the glass melts, more being added as the mass contracts, until the hollow of the gold is full. The vitreous mass is then taken from the gold foil, and fastened into the cavity with cement. ******

His Hair Stood on End.

In the ‘ Reminiscences of Lord Augustus Loftus,'just published, there is an anecdote as to the conference between M. Jules Favre, representing France, and Prince Bismarck with regard to the armistice of January, 71. ‘ I was told,’ said the writer, ‘ that on Jules Favre learning the amount, of ‘six milliards of francs’ as the war indemnity demanded by Germany, he was in consternation. His hair stood on end, and he exclaimed, * that it was an unheard-of sum, and that there had not been as many minutes since the birth of our Saviour !’ ‘To which Count Bismarck cynically replied, ‘ That be bad provided

for that, and that the financier charged to treat this question would date from the Creation.’ ’ (It was Herr Bleichroder, a Jew.)

The Philosopher and the Bog Man.

‘ Do you know, my friend,’ said the Profound Looking Man to the Dumb Looking Fellow, ‘ do you know that there are tendencies at work in this country which, vampire - like, are sucking the life blood of our institutions ?’

* No,’ said the Dumb Looking Fellow,

‘ Do you know that the artistic and aesthetic sense of our population is being strangled by a sordid and crass materialism ?’

‘ No,’ said the Dumb Looking Fellow.

‘ Ah, then, my friend, do you not appreciate the dangerous and materialistic trend, which our social, political, literary, and artistic affairs have taken ?’

‘ No,’ said the Dumb Looking Fellow.

‘Do you mean to say,’ asked the Profound Looking Stranger, ‘ that you are not aware of the baleful influences which are at work, the occult, but no less deadly, agencies which antagonise our integral perpetuity. * No,’ said the Dumb Looking Fellow.

* Are you not alarmed, then, my friend, lest these agencies undermine and overthrow this glorious national edifice which our fathers have builded, and for which statesmen have wrought, and yoemen have toiled, and patriots have died ?’

‘ No,’ said the Dumb Looking Fellow. Just then a man came and held out his hand to the Dumb Looking Fellow, and said—

‘Hullo, Jim. How’s your dog?’ ‘ Gosh, Bill, you oughter see that dog,’ said the man, who looked dumb no longer. ‘ You ought to see him. There never wuz a dorg like that dorg sence the fust dorg was built. He’s got more sense than you I an’ this ’ere dood together,' and he pointed his thumb over his shoulder towards the Profound Looking Stranger. ‘ More sence than all on us. Set him on track of a rabbit—nose to the groun’, tail up, eyes squirtin’ lightnin,’ howlin’ like a good un, he’s a sight wuth travellin’ roun’ the worl’ to see.

‘ Best dorg you ever see. Got a brain on him like Disraeli, but he’s got fleas. Say, mister,’ and he addressed the Profound Looking Mau, ‘ do you know what will cure a dorg of fleas ?’ ‘ No, sir,’ replied the Profound Looking Stranger. ‘ Don’t know any kind of ’intment, nor nuthin’ thet’ll kill ’em off ?’ • No, sir.' ‘ No dorg-wash nor anything er that sort ?’ • No, sir.’ ‘ No kind er pizen nor nuthin ?’ ‘ No, sir.’ ‘ Take no in teres’ in dorgs ?’ The train stopped here, and the Profound Looking stranger got out. • Stupid clown 1’ said he to the guard as ha glanced at the man of dogs. The man oi dogs turned to his friend and said : * Duffer, ain’t he ?’

A capital story is told of a Colonial Governor, whose snobbery was in excess of his popularity. On boarding a certain steamer, he was met by the captain who politely ‘ Hoped his Excellency had had a pleasant voyage.’ Totally ignoring the speaker, he, in chilling tones, queried the aide-de-camp with, ‘ What does he say ?’ quite flattening out the obsequious mariner. Later on, at dinner, forgetful of dignity, His Excellency put the usual stock question, ‘ What time shall we arrive, captain ?’ * Steward !’ yells the now jubilant skipper. ‘ Yes, sir.’ Jerking his thumb to indicate His Excellency, he coldly asked ‘ What does he say ?’ Revenge is sweet.