PROTEAN PAPERS.

Kaikoura Star, Volume XIV, Issue 755, 13 July 1894, Page 6

PROTEAN PAPERS.

(by proteus). The * Praymeer ’ considers it undesirable that boys under 16 years of age should smoke cigarettes. And he’s going to stop ’em ? No; says the time has not yet arrived for legislation on this subject. Hum ! Means the subject is too small potatos for Richard. But is it ? Not at all.

Then why delay ? Can’t say ; though it would be a good thing could boys be prevented from smoking, I don’t think it can he done by legislation.

Next. He also considers second class railway carriages fairly comfortable. Well, a cattle truck would be more comfortable going over the Whale’sback just now than riding—you ask the Waiau footballers. That’s your Creed ! None o’ that.

Why does the ‘ Praymeer ’ travel first special reserved when the second class is fairly comfortable ? Ask him yourself?

I will ! Dick, old man, you’re one of us; one of the people. Why don't you travel in the ordinary way so that we can get a grip of your Ripper occasionally ? (telephone.) What you say ? (telephone.) Your’re hand would be sbuk oft ? Oh, all right! Can’t spare you. Might have too much Stout. Are you satisfied ? Quite 1 1 say, it’ll be drv work in the House without a ‘ drop’ occasionally'.

The House and the Council must first pass a Bill before alcoholic liquors can be abolished from Bellamy’s. Pass a Bill ? Yes!

Ob, ibat’s easy enough ! Is it? Yes, look at the wav thev put the Bank of New Zealand Bill through for a couple of ‘ mill.’ That’s a different thing. Sure it is. £2,000,000 sterling is a trifle compared with stopping a man’s stimulants. I rony ! That’s what you call it. What do you call it ?

Why, interfering with a man’s liberty of action to say you shall not have it even if you do not abuse it. I am much of your opinion. What's the value of a Member’s life? Member of what ? House of Representatives. Depends on circumstances. How so ? Why, who is to be the valuer, and— And what ? Whether he is on land or water. You’re getting mysterious. Like the case of the Member fished out of Wellington harbour. Now I tumble. That is what Who did ? I am not going to give the nameprivilege you know. I'd like to know. So would others. Some do. Well who is it ? I'm assured it’s a Canterbury Member. Phew ! Rich or poor ? Darned poor, or, rather, cussed mean. The facts are ?

That going home ‘so early in the morning.’ He went to see if the vessels at the wharf were properly moored. And found ? The water damp. How ?

Toppled over sous, and thur so yelled that a couple of sailors fished him up with a boat hook by the slack of his Unmentionables!

Aye, his breeks, and the scruff of the neck. Lack a day ! Yes, and lack o’ land just there—being - off terrafirma. It was a terra (or) to the Mimber. What followed ? The sailors stripped him of his dripping clothes— And, like the liberal British tar of old, did the handsome. Yes, rigged him out in their best go-ashore togs, and sent him home comfortable. For all of which the Member was very grateful and 1 stood Sara ’ handsomely, eh ? That’s just what he didn’t do. Ob, the brute ! That’s where the value of a Member’s life comes in. According to the appraiser. 1 can't say anything in praise o’ this skunk. Why ? Too wretchedly contemptible. Didn’t he shell out properly ? No. Well after the kindness of the bo'sun and A .B. Who said it was ? Didn’t you ? No. Well I guessed it. Then guess what he gave ’em. Say £5 in gold. Five pounds ! Five shillings. Well, next day, he gave one 6s and the other five shillings. Fact! Hold me up! That fellow will die of enlargement of the heart. Not for his country at any rate —like Atkinson and Ballance did. The skipper of the barque was disgusted when he heard of the skunk’s meanness. Well he might be. He said, ‘ If that’s the Stan(d)nard of New Zealand legislators ‘shiver my timbers’if I bring any more coal to the Colony.’ Eleven shillings, then, is the value of one Members life ! According to his valuation. Even that, evidently, is not a fair criterion. No—about eleven ha’pence would be nearer the mark. Y’es, s|d, and dear at that ! Ugh, be deserved to sink. Drowning would |be too good for him. Besides ‘ Davy Jones ’ wouldn’t have him. ♦ What then ? Why, die a miser death at best. He’s a disgrace to the Liberal party. I am glad he does not represent Ashley. I agree. We have always had better men than the ‘ 5Jd man.’ Pass on.