VARIETIES.

Inangahua Times, Volume IV, Issue 39, 9 July 1877, Page 3

VARIETIES.

There aro estimated to bo over 75,000 ourneyman cigar makers in the United k '* States. _ I A. Pennsylvanian sbiritunlist materialf izecl half a- dozen mackerel itho other night, bub it was discovered 'the next , morning that they belonged to. the spirit of a live man two blocks away :-rNew ■ York Herald.. The man who invents some way by which a fellow can take his lir.er out in the spring, hang it in tho back yard., !.* and whip it as they do carpets, will I-- confer a boon on his I'eJlows. — Rome " Sentinel. Euchre is a good game— if you and .pour partner hold all the trumps. If the other fellows hold them, it is a nonsensi* ,cal game. We judge this from the rem* arks of the players. , . One thing must always remain a .mystery, and (hat is this— Why will a .young lady chase her brother out ot.tno ihouso for smoking, and the same evening fi- tell some other girl's brother that she I |1 o v,es the aroma ' fro in a, cigar ? % ,-r-Danebury Mows. , . „ •..;.. b- A ,cq|in try Newspaper, in. an obituary I a stibfeinbef^'sori, says :--'' He f Vas an /uncomthpHsrnarfc boy. He had I little too' much' curiosity, perhaps, or he would'wt have peeped into the muzzle [■ of his father's- sho>gun. Four' tons height qf valentines h«vo '- ,been r eturned'-'to' the' 'Dead Letter Office r in London'tbis yeai'^cita all parts of the i iingdom; -This .immense^ mass of ama« h tory gushlis icPhe worked into pulp before : /,fceing sold to the paper .makers. : : Landlatly (to ' board>r" yriio has pasaed ;• hh cup six •' You are very fond "of coffee; ./Mr'Snnth. Mr Smith—" Yes. it looks as if I was, when I am willinsf to; swallow go much wate,r for <iho suke'of getting a liltlo. " " No, " said the smart boy boby. when .the protty'.young woman wanted to kiss him. " Btifc.%hy not : ?" asked she. "Oh -1 am too 'little td kiss you.; papa will iiss yquf; papa will kiss you,; papo .■.'. pisses all the -ttirla. " He was permitted I (toplay withjiitftoys. ■ ' Common" Stuff.— Mr Bonderby, pomipoasly, and with the intention of putting /' that Yabkiee fallow" down — '• Yes, sir,; ■* .yeSi/sir, yon see in tne a perfectly jjelf man;;?" ;; Yankee fellow cooly— '• .Ah, I was^ : wondering how to account for your '-being so ; awfully awkward." , A collegiate enlightening a farmer ( vp on animalculse,: applied his microscope \ ,to t'jie cheese, "saying— " Now look and il ,sco them -wiggle." "Well." said th.c v ,fartner, crainmirig |tho cheese into his mouth, "let them giggle lean stand it as |lone as tligy'can." It is all vp.ry fine to laugh at a womnn's jtantruras when a mouso makes its appe.ar» „ynco ;in'the vipinity of her skirts; but a , jlittlp jme.rrimenfc should be reserved for ,tho man wJiq plays circus while a June >t ,b|iK \$ walking up the inside of his [AS { tro.user's leii with the slow and measured \* ? ..step of a day "laborer.— Tumor's Falls Re- , porter. 1 Ah iDtelligent looking coloured man ,waiked into a Buffalo office the other day .with a slate in ,his hand, on which he ,wrpte — ' 1 am deaf and dumb. Plea.se .help me/- But there happened to be a sharp-pointed tapk; end up, o,n the chair on which hd was rinvited to sit. and as he jumped about five feet into the air bis 'speech was suddenly restored', and he wept ,oufc uttering language to.tally tm« (fit for publication.' * Speaking of patchwork, a women of ,Court street ha.s a quilt, in 573,291 pieces. She spread it out in the yard to air, and .a puppy dog thought it was a bear. The puppy has been unwell since and the _, ,women spends a go.od deal of time in .the yard waiting for him to como out from ,under the house. There will be some .more pf this- item .when he comes but.— Home Sentined. One of'the Vassar College girls .discovered a^^ew comet ' a few day's ago ; she was^sp mad, when,,slie found that its trail w^i several billions of miles donger, than her own that she declared jthat hereafter comets might go shooting .through unknown space for ten thousand years bofor.e she would discover . one of jthem. The fact that the comet's trail' was not trimmed with real point lace didn'fc seem to act as a balm to her •jealouay.— Norripfeown Herald, ' A story is told of a shrewish Scotphwomen who tried to wean her husband from the public-house by employing her to, -act the part of ghost, and frighten John on his way home." ."Wha are you?" said the guidman, as the apparition rose before him from ibebind a bush. "I am Auld NickT" was jthe reoly. 'i Come awa', man," man, 1 ' said John,' nothing daunted ; " gie's a jshake o' your* haund— l am married tae a .sister o' yours." During a recent service, at a country ) f church tbo clerk left his desk for the purpose of replenishing the fire. He blackened -his hands in the operation ( without knowing, it, and afterwards wiped jt across his face, leaving a large black f ; mark behind, When he returned to his h jseat he had to read the first verse of the jbymn, which strangely enough com--menced with "Behold the brightness of my face," .causing the whole of the v congregation to burst into laughter, \innch to the astonishment of the poor v clerk, .who aferwards received a severe reproof from the rector. The Boston Courier prints the following boy's composition j— " Hens is curious animals. Tlioy don't have no nose, nor no teeth, nor no ears. They swaller their wittles wljbloi and cliaw ifc up in their crops inside of 'em. The outside of the bens is generally put into pillers and made ipter feather dustars. The inside of the ben is sometimes filled up with ' marbles, and s'lirtbultons, and sich. A ben is very much smaller than a good many other animals, but they'll dig up mora tomato plants than anj thing tbat ain't; a hen. Hens is very useful to lay I- eggs for plum-pudding. Bet yer life I like plum pudding. Skinny Bates cat so > much plum padding onco that it sent \, '■ him inter the colliery. Hens has got L " tP'a.B 8 ' a . ac^ can ff ' len tlie^ are scart -

I cut my Uncle William's hen's neck off with a hatchet, and it scart her to death. Backing His Opinion.— The Guardian relates that during; the hearing of an action for trespass in the Resident Magistrate's Court, Dunedin, a witness expressed himself as positive that a certain horse was not wandering nt large on a particular day. When asked to give his reasdns, he stated that had tho animal not been in the stable ifc would have made its way back to Tapanui, where ifc was bredMr Bath gate said that the witness must not give what was merely ins opinion. "Well," was tho reply, "I can bet a tenpound note on it, anyliow."