SCHOOLBOY HOWLERS.

Hauraki Plains Gazette, Volume XXXX, Issue 5442, 1 July 1929, Page 4

SCHOOLBOY HOWLERS.

A class of schoolboys was asked in an examination paper to explain the lettering round the King’s head on a penny : “Britt, Omn, Rex, Fid, Def, Imp.”

One boy wrote : Britain always rains, faithful, definitive, indicative, imperfect.

Derivation of “hypothesis”: “Hippo, horse ; thesis, placing. Putting something on a horse.”

Give the masculine of belle. “Stomach.”

Cum grano salie. “Although with a corn, thou dancest.”

Rose, emue, repondit. “The rose emu laid another egg.”

Christians are only allowed one wife. This is called monotony.

John Wesley was a great sea captain. He beat the Dutch at Waterloo and by degrees rose to be Duke of Wellington. He was buried near Nelson in the Poet’s Corner at Westminster Abbey.

‘ They gave the Duke of Wellington a lovely funeral. It took six men to carry the beer.

What is the Soviet ? What th? middle classes call their napkin.

What is a microbe ? A robe that the mics wear.

The “Complete Angler” is another name for Euclid, because he wrote all about angles.

Explain the meaning of “erg.” When people are playing football and you want them to do their best you erg them on.

Paraphrase “0 god of Battles, steel my soldiers’ hearts, possess them not with fear.” “O Mars, rob my soldiers of their hearts and don’t be afraid to keep them.”

The wife of a duke is a ducky. The masculine of duchess is duck.

Bacon was the man who thought he wrote Shakespeare.

Degrees of comparison of “bad.’ Bad, very sick, dead.

Masculine, man ; feminine, woman ; neuter, corpse.

Milton wrote “Paradise Lost,” then his wife died and he wrote “Paradise Regained.’*

Correct : (a) “A hen has three legs” ; (b) “Who done it ?” Answer: The hen never done it, God done it.

Men are what women marry.

. What is a mediator ? A man who says “punch me instead.”

A pessimist is a man who is never happy unless he is miserable ; even then he is not pleased.

A circle is a round line with no kinks in it, joined up so as not to show where it began.

The home of the swallow is the stomach. ’

Quinine is the bark of a tree; canine is the bark of a dog/

What are rabies, and what would you do for them ? Rabies are Jewish priests. I shot'.ld do nothing for them.

A skeleton is a man with his inside out and his outside off.

An elephaj.it is a square animal with a tail in front and behind.

My favourite character in English history is Henry VIII., because he had eight wives and killed them all.

Th,ere is a man who ■'watches the Highlands at night; he*is called the' Blac k Watch.

A certain type of bag is named after a great statesman; who was he ?. Lord Oxford.

Wut is a vacuum ? A vacuum is a \arg,e empty space where the Pope liws.

Name the various races that have dominated Britain since the Roman conquest ? The Derby and the Grand National.

What is a mariner’s compass ? About two gallons.

What is a vixen ? The wife of a vicar.