AFTER-DINNER SPEECH.

Hauraki Plains Gazette, Volume XXXVI, Issue 4847, 1 July 1925, Page 4

AFTER-DINNER SPEECH.

PHILOSOPHY AND LAUGHTER;

A WITTY AMERICAN. At a luncheon given at the Savoy Hotel, London, recently to LieutenantCommander Read and Commander Towers, of the United States Navy, the aviators who crossed the Atlantic via the Azores and .landed at Lisbon, a speech was delivered by Mr Patrick Francis Murphy, who is described by the London “Daily Telegraph” as one of the wittiest of Ainericjm speakers. After Lieutenant-Commander Read had pt.oposed “The English-speaking Race—the Best Race on the Face of the Earth,” Mr Murphy said news nowadays was so extraordinary that we had lost the capacity for surprise. The most unusual things had become .usual. Why, even the sacred places in Scripture were treated with light familiarity. They had read of Australian soldiers bathing and disporting themselves in the Sea of Galilee. The British Army went into Mesopotamia, and British Tommies were strolling in the Garden of Eden, never giving a tnought to the unfortunate affair of the apple. (Laughter.) “Germany has not gained half of Europe by murder and robbery.” said Mr Murphy. “Having exhausted herself, then’ with teans in her eyes, she asked for the cessation of hostilities on the ground of humanity, (laughter) and the world said ‘Exhausted cruelty is not humanity.’ It is the psychological state of mind of the celebrated criminal who, having murdered his father and mother, asked the clemency of the Court on the ground that he was an orphan.” (Laughter.) The two English-speaking nations (proceeded Mr Murphy) were confronted with the hostilities of peace. Things did not seem to be going along as Quietly as when we were at war. “In America,” he continued, “we have the ajshes of the Monro doctrine, and Great Britain has the Emerald Isle. (Laughter.) On our borders we have Mexico, that wonderful country where every now and then peace breaks out. (Laughter,) Now, if Great Birtain would only take over Mexico we could do very well with Ireland (laughter and cheers), for many of ouri largest cities are already accustomed to Hibernian Home Rule.

“Every one of us wishes to make the best arrangements of his life. In his youth he is confronted with two alternatives— matrimony and celibacy. He learns that matrimony has its thorns and celibacy has no roses. (Laughter.) So the question is whether it is better to be inconvenienced one way or another. But he finds as he- goes through life that matrimony is the more popular, £or it is with matrimony as it- is with good mustard —people praise it,with tears in their eyes. (Laughter.) - “Some very improper person has advanced a- theory that people arc either young and innocent or old and virtuous. So that proves that there are three periods of life. The first ijs when we are very ybung, and we think of the indiscreet things we are able to' do—that is the age of innocence. The second is when we are older, and we arc able to do the 'things wo thought of when we were young. The third is when we are veiy old, and we are looking back on the things that we were able to do when younger and regret our inability to recommence them. That is the age of virtue. (Laughter.) It is said that virtue, like the owl, dwells in ruins. It is about that period that old men give young men good advice, when they arc no longer able to set a bad example.”, (Laughter.) In an allusion to prohibition Mr

Murphy said the Scriptural injunction was that “Man cannot live by bread alone”—he would die of thirst. There were many public men in America who did not care for liquor, so they took it. away from those who did. “Morality is the attitude we sometimeis assume towards the unattractive.' It is easy to resist temptation when it is offered by the wrong person or at an inconvenient time. (Laughter.) Liquor has more enemies in public and more friends in private than 'anything else. Writers claim that it stimulates the imagination. If that is true, and liquor is banned, that will be a great blow to women, for it i« noticed that woman’s best asset is man’s imagination.” (Laughter).