QUEER SIDE OF THINGS.

Hauraki Plains Gazette, Volume XXXIV, Issue 4562, 11 May 1923, Page 4

QUEER SIDE OF THINGS.

ASTRONOMY. (By Septimus.) There are two particular ways of studying the stars —deliberately and involuntarily. In a life time man usually does both. Most, men in their early days imagine that they will become “stars,” but they never twinkle. Of course, you know why the stars twinkle? What! But, if you don’t —I said “if” —read “The Plutocrat of the Afternoon Tea Table,” by Oliver Goes Home. Theres’ a treatise on stars in it that grips—grips everywhere. As far as I could judge from it the stars are sc ashamed, of what they see at night time that they continually blink —and thus they twinkle. It may be that they are winking at everything, just as earthly “coppers” sometimes do. I hope everyone will realise that I can’t go too deeply into this twinkling-at,-night business. - I’d like to, of course, but-the printer’s devil says he simply wouldn’t clean up the machine that printed it. It’s a pity, because there are quite a lot of little racecourse,, tips I could,, give. But, there, you are. The printer’s devil says he has his reasons, and that if it were not for his refusal to clean the machine the foundations of society would be shattered. “Would you mind if I spoke,” said he. > “Not a bit.” said I. “Well, it’s like this. If them there society blokes got ’arf what you ’Ud like to give ’em they’d” —. (He paused.) “What ?” 1 queried. “I don’t like to say,” he replied, as he disappeared in the direction of an ink tub. He had made me realise that star-gazing was a very' deep question. Moreover, it inevitably leads tp trouble. In fact, it requires a hefty blow to make many men see stars—the involuntary action —so that I really wouldn’t, care to make a life, study of it. I shall have to be content with a summary of stars which I found crumpled up in a corner of the office. It- was written by the printer’s devil. “There are many varieties.of stars,” he wrote, “which may be classified as follow Stars, ordinary : Things that twinkle in : the sky at night time because they are ashamed. Stars, extraordinary: Caused by a hefty blow, preferably an upper cut. Stars, imaginary: Artists never seen in an ‘all-star.’ programme. Stars, artists : Only found on the staff; (See ‘Histcry of Trentham.’) Stars, waggonsThings you hitch yourself tc when you wish to ‘come a cropper.’” The writing finished abruptly.' I’ve finished with astronomy. A man has just t.old me not to forget a-sthr-isks —and I simply, can’t go on. I’ve got myself to support ; and what would happen to me if I should be thrown out of work —hurled, as it were, into the ever-increasing army of unemployed. And I don't like loafing, despite the fact that someone once said: “Better half a loaf than none at all.”