HERE AND THERE.

Hauraki Plains Gazette, Volume XXXII, Issue 4322, 26 September 1921, Page 3

HERE AND THERE.

THE AMENDE. To the Rt. Hon. J. H. Whitley, the new Speaker of the House of Commons, is attributed aa amusing story of how Richard Sheridan, .the famous dramatist and politician, puzzled a predecessor. In the House of Commons Sheridan gave an opponent the lie direct. Called upon to apologise, the offender said : “Mr Speaker, I said the honourable member was a liar ; it is true, and I am sorry for it.” Naturally, the person concerned was nor satisfied, and said so. "Sir,” continued Sheridan, “the honourable member can interpret the terms of my statement according to his ability, and he can put punctuation marks where it pleases him.” COURTING. A recent book entitled “Echoes of the Eighties” tells a story concerning a school inspector who was questioning a class on the parable of the Good Samaritan and the man who fell among thieves. “Why did the Priest and the Levite pass by on the other side ?” he asked. “Because,” promptly replied an eager boy, “the man had been robbed already, and so, you see, there was no more to be got out of him.” Another time a recitation contained the line. “On him each courtiers’ eye was bent,” from the wellknown passage in Scott's “Lady of the Lake.” So he asked : "What is a courtier ?” Whereupon a little girl replied with a pretty blush and soni3 confusion: “Please, sir, a lad that has a lass.”

A SUN WORSHIPPER. Prince Ranjitshinhji, the famous cricketer of days gone by, is to-day the Jam Sahib of Nawanagar, but once when .he was in England on a visit a certain society dame started discussing with him the various religions of India. “I cam understand,'’ she said, “a Mohammedan venerating Mohammed or a Buddhist worshipping Buddha, but I cannot conceive of a cultured man being a Parsee and worshipping the sun.” The Jam Sahib gazed thoughtfully out of the window at the thick London fog. “But my dear-lady,” he said./‘you’ve no idea what a splendid, awe-inspiring sight the sun is. You should just see it once.” ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER. Sir William Orpen, f he famous painter, amusingly illustrates "A way they have in the Army”,in “An Onlooker in France.” Sir .William went to France as official war artist, and writes that one night while Ke was staying at G.H.Q. Tanks he got ’’blotto.” “It wasn’t altogether my faultpeople were so hospitable,” adds the artist. “I left Tanks on a bitterly cold evening, and called at the Canadian chateau at Hesdin, It was teatime. The colonel, who saw that, 1 was cold, gave me a w.hisky-.and-soda. which'he repeated when I left. I then went to see Major Sir Philip Sassoon. ‘A whisky-and-soda for Major Orpen, said he. When I got through half of it, his telephone bell rang. ‘Run upstairs, Orp., and see Allen; he’s laid up- in bed.’ So off I went.. .‘Whisky-and-soda,’ said he. When I was about half-way through it there were foot-, steps on the stairs. 'That’s the Chief coming,’ said be. ‘Gosh,’ said I, and I pushed my whisky-and-soda under ■the bed. In came the C.-in-C. ‘Hello, little man,’ he said, ‘you look cold ; and they don’t seem to be very hospitable here, either? He rang the bell. The orderly came. ‘Bring Major Orpen a whisky-and-soda, he said. That did it. He talked for about ten minutes and left. Then in came Philip wi.th my half-finished drink, cursing. -‘l’ve been standing on those stairs with Orp’s drink for the last half-hour, waiting for the Chief to leave.’ So, of course, I had to finish it. I went on to see General Davidson, and he had a nice cocktail ready for me, and a good bottle for dinner’ —after which I don’t, remember anything. But it was a bit of bad luck one thing happening after another like that.”

NEW SUITS FOR OLD. Mr Arthur Warren, in his book of reminiscences, “ London Days,” recalls a story told to him and George Meredith by John Burns apropos the great dock strike. Meredith happened to ask ’Burns whether his dockers were ever suspicious of him. The query was put while they were sitting in Meredith’s garden, undei* the shadow of Box Hill. Burns laughed. “ One morning I appeared in a new blue serge suit like this, and a new straw hat like that. ‘Where did you get’m, John ? ’ one man shouted. ‘ He’s makin’ more ’n sixpence out o’ us,’ yelled another. Then I Tiad to explain—-anyhow, I did explain that. Madam Tussaud’s had given me a new suit, so that they eould put my old one on a wax Ague of me.”