SCOT’S HUMOUR

Hokitika Guardian, 24 October 1933, Page 8

SCOT’S HUMOUR

DESCRIPTION OF NEW, ZEALAND

INDUSTRIES AND CUSTOMS

A humorous description of New Zealand by a Scotsman appears in a recent issue of the' Strathspey Herald. The article runs as follows: New Zealand consists of three islands, discovered by Captain Cook some time between 1728, in which he was born and 1779, in which lie ‘died. Tins was prior to the formation of the New Zealand Farmers’ Union. The islands are entirely surrounded by water, and in consequence travelling to and from is generally done by boat. New Zealand is owned by the landlords and run by the.politicians. The pdpuhttioh''consists' mainly 'of Maoris and Presbyterians. The chief industries are football, horse racing, the manufacture of waterproof clothing, goloshes, and kiwi farming . iso much land is occupied- by racecourses, sports’grounds, picture shows, and garages that very little is available for agricultural purposes, consequently farming is on the intensive or “close up” system. The territory is so narrow that a proposal to have ; a broad-gauge railway had to be abandoned, and the 3ft 6in gauge was adopted. The practice of dehorning cattle is general—this gives the animals more room. Immediately after shearing, the wool is exported to make room for tlm tourists who come in the summer. New Zealand h'as what would be considered a wet climate. Fortunately there are some exceptionally high mountains, and in very wet weather sheep are driven to the tops. This gives the peaks of Mr Cook, Mt Eginont and others a- white appearance, often mistaken by visitors for snow. Other parts, such as Invercargill, arc exceedingly dry—so dry, in fact, that proud fathers have to travel long distances to wet the baby’s head, and the Presbyterians have to see the Old Year out and the New Year in over cups of strong tea. Scientific methods are followed in New Zealand. The soil is scratched with an' implement called a plough—a gadget resembling a wheelbarrow, with a..bad attack of “D.T’s.” The principle of the plough is v share, of which it may have one or more. This is called share farming.

Bad language is seldom used in New Zealand, except when speaking of taxes, or some of the imported pests, such n.s Communists, gorse, rabbits, and big deer—the last named are dis-, fcinct from the little dears who serve, in the saloon bars in the wet areas.

The trend of political though in New Zealand i.s toward Conservatism. Tt is due to this that so much fodder is conserved.