FUN AND FANCY

Hokitika Guardian, 12 March 1932, Page 6

FUN AND FANCY

TRUE. Dealer in Second-hand Garments. We can’t mark this suit “Fashionable,” it’s too shabby. Assistant: No, but you might mark it “Very much worn.” NEAT. Flapper: Don’t you think my idea of decorating with holly over laurel is rather chic?. Admirer: Oh, no, I’d much prefer mistletoe over yew. MALICIOUS. Marie: That’s a beautiful gown you’ve got on. Molly: Yes, I got‘it for my coining of age party, and, do you know, that luce is lifty years old? Marie: Is that so? Did you make it yourself. CRAFTY WIGGLES. Mrs Wiggles: Was that a good box of cigars, Ephraim, that Ibought you for vour Christmas box? Mr Wiggles (craftily): I never saw a better box. HE WAS SATISFIED. ' “Here is that suit I bought from you last week,” said the angry customer to the tailor. “You said you would return my money if it wasn’t satisfactory. •‘Thats what I said,” responded the tailor, “but I am happy to tell you that I found the money entirely satisfactory.” HOW INDEED. “You told us in your lecture,” said the earnest flapper, “that deep breathing destroys microbes.” “Yes, that is so,” replied the medical man. “Microbes are killed by deep breathing.” “But what puzzles me,” said the flapper, is how you teach microbes to breathe deeply.”

HOW ARGUMENTS START. Brown was an interested visitor to Wilson’s carpentry shop. “By the way Wilson,” he said, picking up a plank “what are these holes in this wood?” “Those are knot holes,” Wilson explained. ■ Brown threw the piece of wood on the floor. “They ar e holes,” he insisted. “Don’t you think I know a hole when I see it?” NOT WHAT SHE THOUGHT. A little girl, being taken to the hair dresser’s for the first time to have her hair shampooed, remarked to mother, “Mummy, I though that was the stuff you always had to drink at weddings.” A FLAT WORTH POSSESSING. Gladys: I don’t think I could stand him—he seems such an awful flat. Mildred: Yes, but he’s got three motors and £3OOO a year. Gladys: Oh, that alters it—a flat with every modern improvement. UNKIND. Friend : You look ill. Mrs Newrich: Yes, 1 dreamt that all" the animals from which my furs are made were standing round my oed. Friend: But surely you are not afraid of a few rabbits. ALREADY PROVIDED. Mr Smith had just finished putting the seeds in the garden. “How about the birds eating the seeds?” queried-Mrs Smith. “Hadn’t you better put up u scarecrow.* 5 “Oh, that doesn’t matter,” was the reply, “one of us will always be in the garden.” INSULT TO INJURY. A man was crossing the road when a Great Dane dog knocked him down. He was getting up when he was knocked down again, but this time by a baby car. Asked a bit later if he were hurt, ho replied; “The dog didn’t hurt "me; it was the tin can fastened to his tail that did the damage.” DISTANCE SOME OBJECT. “I want, 11 said the house-hunter, “a house in an isolated position—at least five miles from any other house.” “I see,’ said the house-agent, with an understanding sort of smile. “'You want to practise the simple life?” “No,” answered the house-hunter orfimly. “I want to , practise the cornet.” THE CANISTER. A lady in an Irish country district gave a party to which she invited a neighbouring farmer. During the evening she put a McCormack record on the gramophone. Afterwards her husband, of whose voice she was very. proud, sang the same song. “Now,” said she to the f irmer, “which of the two do you think best?” Ob! begomi, ma’am,” s*‘>kl he, “with all due respects to you, 1 much prefer the lad in the canister.”