HAPPY MOMENTS

Hokitika Guardian, 12 October 1931, Page 8

HAPPY MOMENTS

Not What He Expected. He had just finished an economic oration, and upon descending from the platforhi was seized by some navvies an t ] placed shoulder high. “Thank you, gentlemen,” he said. “But I think l prefer to walk to my car.” “Car be blowed. You’re going into tile river.” ***** Sarcasm. Waiter; There is almost everything on the menu to-dav sir. V,. Crabby Customer: So I see. Bring me a clean one, so that 1 can read it. ***** - Scratched. “How did von get. the scratch on your face, Mary?” “Oh, I was wishing one of the clerks at. the office good night as 1 left, and he had a pen behind his ear.” * ***** Why He Was Glad. A little Scots boy, on being rescued from the dock into which lie had fallen expressed great gratitude to his res cuer, saying: “I’m awfu’ gled ye got me oot mister—wliut a lickin’ J would ha’ got frae ilia inither if I. had been drooned.” ***** Gratitude. j Isaacs and Rubinstein had dined at a very fashionable restaurant. On leaving, Rubinstein remarked to his friend: “V'at for did you gif dw waiter ten shillings for a tip?” “Veil,” replied Isaacs, with a merry twinkle in his eye, “look vat a lovely fur coat he giff me!”

***** I How They Stood The usual five lmd congregated- - the Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, I American and the Jew—in a small country inn. I The Englishman stood a round of drinks; the Irishman stood a round of drinks; and the American also stood a round of drinks ; the Scotsman stoou six feet four; and the Jew stood m admiration. / ***** Well Done. Tile Prohibitionist was liolidng forth “Look at me,” he thundered. “I have never touched a drop of strong drink ;n m,v life. T am physically perfect—teeth sound, eyesight unimpaired—” “Bet you half a crown you cannot ! thread this needle,” shouted an inter-! rupter, and held up an object which , glinted in the light, “Done,” shouted the lecturer. He was. Tt was a gramophone needle. «**#* 1 * An “Organ” Recital. The two women met at ft concert and began- to talk-. “Yes,” said one, “T have awful headaches and pains in niy lungs. The doctor says I’ve a weak heart, too.” “I’m just the same,’’ replied her companion. “Heart, lungs and ears always giving me trouble.” An old gentleman in the seat behind gently touched one of them on th« shoulder. < “Pardon me. ladies,” he stir, “but I’ve come to a concert, not nn organ recital.”