ANECDOTES

Hokitika Guardian, 3 September 1931, Page 7

ANECDOTES

(Passing show in Auckland Star). SILKEN HOSE. An unaccompanied stocking is cold comfort to any lady, unless, of course, she has only one leg. Even then there is the handicap of having to buy a pair. One day not so long ago a lady wished to go to town and at the same time to look as chic as possible. She therefore looked for her finest silk stockings. She found one. Then happened what might be called a combing of the domicile. Every bureau, chest of drawers, cupboard, portmanteau and work basket was combed. The poor lady had to keep an appointment, and therefore went to town in her second best, much to her disappointment. On the following day she resumed her detective work until the whole house and the contents of it had been searched. Again on the following day the lady continued her researches without result. Speckless in all her household arrangements, she imagined that her researches hSxl stirred up the 'dust, and she therefore firmly grasped the vacuum cleaner anu""prepared it for use. In the interior of the machine she saw something that mad her Heart sing with joy. There was' her stocking. The cleaner had obviously taken a deep breath. POULTRY FOR DINNER, In these days everyone who achieves an advanced age bursts into print, including admirals, generals and ex-exe-cutioners. One of the latter has been lately putting over some fascinating matter dealing with his ex-clients, and he tries to prove that an executioner is not necessarily either harsh or cruel. Glancing at the works of this gentleman, one is reminded of one of his forerunners who had had a remarkable career and in off seasons was a well-known and highly-appreciated hairdresser. He was a member of the R.S.P.C.A., sang in the church choir, and was kind to children, animals and women. But the most re_ markable thing about him was that although he had been the official dispatcher of upwards of one hundred of his fellow creatures he hadn’t the heart to kill a fowl for dinner. His wife, according to his biography, always killed the poultry because 'Willie was so nervous about it. AGISTMENT. 1 “I’m gojllg to buy a ticket iii the sweep/* said A lady to her soh-iii-law, “Give me a cow out of it if you get anything?” Bald the young fellow, ‘‘All right!” said mother, It set a line of thought going in the young fellow’s head, If he was going to be the owner of a oow, .he’d have to have grass for her. He knew a paddock and the owner j thereof. ‘T think I’m gv.;ng to get a cow,” he said, ‘‘and I shall want a paddock. What about that little paddock of yours?” “Right-oh!” said the owner. “You .shall have the first refusal of it.” And they parted. 'Later a man who really possesses a cow called on the man who really possesses a paddock. Could he let him the pad'dock for his cow? The owner was sorry. ‘As a matter of fact, I’ve given the first refusal to another chap” (naming the son-in-law of the lady who had dispatched the money for the ticket). So the real owner of a real cow went to the man who wanted the paddock for a problematical cow that would want grass if mother-in-law drew some money in the sweep. “I want that paddock very much,” said the cow owner. Ton haven’t got a cow yet; I’ll tell you what I’ll do. If you let me have the paddock I’>ll let you have free milk until you get your own cow.” Bargain struck. ,Now all that remains to be done is for mother-in-law to draw a prize, buy the lad who is obtaining free milk, a cow, and all will be well. v