HAPPY MOMENTS

Hokitika Guardian, 24 January 1931, Page 7

HAPPY MOMENTS

“Now about my obesity, doctor?” “Diet.” “And my grey hair/” “Dye it.” Jenks: You are very kind to send your wife, away for a rest. Jobsom: Yes, 1 certainly need it. “He called me a liar,” said the little man, “and, big as he was, 1 sent him sprawling.” “What, with your fist?” “No; with my car.” He (angrily): Do you always believe everything every fool tells you ? She (sweetly): No, darling; but sometimes you do sound so plausible. Customer: But you guaranteed this watch would last me a lifetime. Clerk: Certainly; but you looked pretty sick the day you bought it. Miss Vane: Someone told me to-day that 1 was the handsomest girl in our street. Miss Cute: Oh, that’s not incurable! “What do you mean?” “Your habit of talking to yourself.” “Will you tell me,” asked the old gentleman of a lady, “what Mrs Blank’s maiden name wasp” “Why, her maiden aim was to marry, of course,” exclaimed the lady. Joynes: I tell yon, Singleton, you don’t know the joys and felicities of a contented married life, the happy flight of years, the long, restful calm of Singleton: How long have you been married ? A month. Wenlthy Father (to would-be son-in-law): Is it my daughter you want, sir, or is it her money/ Suitor: Sir, you know very well that I am an amateur athletic.—WJiat has that got to do with it?—A great deal, sir. It bars me from taking part in any event for money. First Sailor: How do you like life in the Navy? Quite a few turns for a fellow to get used to, aren’t there? Second Sailor: I should say so. At night you turn in, and just as you are about to turn over somebody turns up and shouts out, “Turn Outl”

BAG LIMIT. “Tn man.v States a hunting license entitles you to one deer and no more.” “Just like a marriage license.” CORRECT. Boy: What animal is satisfied xntu least nourishment? Bright Sister; The moth, it eats holes. DROWNING THE CACKLE. “Do you enjoy grand opera?” “Yes, especially when it’s loud enough to keep me from hearing a lot of loud conversation that’s going on around me.” IT’S CERTAINLY NOT THE SHINE. Frosh: What keeps the moon from falling. Another Dumbell: It must be the beams. SYMPTOM, NOT CAUSE. With a feeling of considerable relict, we learn from a medical publicist’s column that hair-dyes do not affect the brain, if any. EMULATING DAD'S EARLY PIETY Barber: Well, my little man, and how would you like your hair cut/ Small Boy: If you please, sir, just like father’s, and don’t forget the little round hole at the top where the head comes through.

DOUBLE CHECK, BUT NO CHEQUE Son in college was applying pressure for more money from home. “I cannot understand why you call yourself a kind father,” he wrote his dad, “when you haven’t sent me a cheque for three weeks. What kind of kindness do you call that?” “That’s unremitting kindness,” wrote the father in his next letter.