JOKES, OLD AND NEW

Hokitika Guardian, 28 October 1930, Page 2

JOKES, OLD AND NEW

“Are you a doctor F’ she asked the young man who runs the soda fountain. “No, ma’am; I’m a fizzician.”

Kid: How old is that lamp nw? Ala: Oil, about three years. Rid: Turn it down ; it's too young to smoke.

“Odd, isn’t it?” “What is?” “No matter how hungry a horse is lie can’t eat a bit.” “Mitlier Jonetli, you can’t thwim very well, can you?” “Why what makes you think that?” “Thither timid you were a poor fill.” Lieutenant (roaring at officers’ mess steward): “Who the blazes told you to to put those flowers on the table?” Steward: “The colonel, sail.” Lieutenant: “Pretty, aren’t they.-' Romantic Parent: Some still maintain they can see people smuggling on this beach at night. Little Boy: Yes, I know. Grandma said it’s disgusting. The teacher Asked Bobbie to spell needle, He spelled ‘N-i-o-d-l-e.” “That is wrong, There is Ho iin lieedie, “Well, t’is n’t a good needle, then.” .. / Policeman: What are you standing here for? Loafer: Nuthin’. Policeman : Well, just move on. If everyone stood in one place how would the rest get past?

“Maria, you’ll never ho able to drive that nail with a flat-iron; for mercy’s sake, use your head,” admonished Mi Stubkins. And then he wondered why she would not speak to him the rest of the day.

Mistress: “I don’t like to le. continually complaining, Mary, hut 1 wish you would remember that when tire master leaves.his hoots outside the bedroom door he wants them cleaned.

Ala id : Very well, madam. But what does lie want when he leaves them outside the front door?”

AVife at seaside (to timid hr.*band who has just returned from a bathe): “And, pray, what were you doing talking to that girl on the diving raft?”

Husband: “Oh—or—well, you see, my clear, you said I was to stay in ten minutes, er—so I was asking her if she could tell me the time!”

The landlady had just engaged a new girl fresh from Ireland. “Do you think you can manage to wait oil ten boarders at table Norah?” she asked. “Can oi?” replied Nornh. “Faith, an, it’s aisy. Mo ould mother in Oirolnnd kept forty pigs an’ I fed them all!”

“Father,” said Jimmy, running into the drawing room, “there’s a big black cat in the dining room.” “Never mind, Jimmy,” said his father, drowsily, “black cats are lucky.” “Yes,”’ was the reply. “This one is, he’s had your dinner!” The camera-man went to Africa for a big game photograph. One of his companions was chased by a lion. As he flew he heard a shout and looked hopefully towards the thicket whence the sound came. But it was the camera-man who came 'forth with his camera. “Hold on there,” he shouted, angrilyl. “Slower! You’re too far ahead. I can’t(get you both in.”-