SPARKLES

Hokitika Guardian, 23 August 1930, Page 7

SPARKLES

1 “I : want some cigarettes for my aunt.” “Virginia?” “No Emily.”

Pat (angrily) : Oi woulnd’t throw ye a rope if ye was drowning’. Mike: Oi wouldn’t touch it if ye did.

Brown (having borrowed five shillings): Oh thank you! Words cannot repay you for this favour! Jones (dryly): No, I don’t think they can.

Little Boy (reading aloud: “And David said in his haste, all men are liars.” Say, father, why didn’t he mention women also? “He didn’t consider it necessary, my son.”

Magistrate: And what did you do when you heard the accused using such awful language? Policeman: 1 told him he wasn’t fit to he among decent people and brought him here.

Sandy: My dentist is a fine fellow; every-time he extracted one of iny teeth he gave me a glass of whisky. Donald Don’t you go to him now ? Sandy: I haven't got any more teeth.

“There seems to be a lot more fuss made over .Miss .Tones’ singing than over -Miss Brown’s, and I’m sure Miss Brown has the richer voice,” “Yes, but Miss/Brown has the richer father.”

Patient: Are you certain, doctor, that you have diagnosed my. illness properly? Doctor: Absolutely, madam. 1 never make a mistake. . If I say a patient is going to die of typhoid she always dies of it.

An Irish housemaid who was sent to call a gentleman to dinner found him engaged in using a tooth brush. “Well is he coming?” said the lady of the liouse, as the servant returned. “Ye-s, ma’am; directly,” was the reply; “lie’s just sharpening his teeth.”