NOW AND THEN

Hokitika Guardian, 3 May 1930, Page 6

NOW AND THEN

OPPORTUNE.

Busy man: I really cannot se you !j (eagerly)': Then i’ain thej v r ery man you want, sir; I’m selling, l spectacles!

MADE A HASH OF IT.

; airs ,Newlywed: Oh, Jack, you left Jie kitchen door open, and the draughi has shut my cookrey book. So now 1 haven't the faintest idea what it n I’m cooking.

MACBETH—AND BILLIARD

A letter of introduction handed .by an actor to a West End manager end ..cl with: “He plays Macbeth, Richelieu, Hamlet, ■ Sh.vlock, ,and billiards. He plays billiards best!”

NO FE AR

“We are now passing Hie mast famous brewery in Birmingham,” explained the guide., “AVe are not,” drawled the -American tourist, as he (juickely hopped oil the motor coach.

HAD THE SAME CHANCE

AVii’e: That’s the kind of husband to have! Did you hear Air Dike tell his wife to go and have a look at some twenty-pound hats ?, Husband: My, dear, have I ever deprived you of the privilege of looking at twenty-pound hats? \ '*

HER ANSWER

“Look here,” said the master of the house to the new maid, “ how dare you tell your mistress what tinrcrT came in this morning, after I told you not to ?” “I didn’t, sir,” replied the maid. “She asked me what time you got in and I told her I was too busy ,getting 'the breakfast to look jit the clock.”

SPOTTED THE WINNER. 6 *

Two Englishmen were out riding.in ilndia when suddenly a native clashed out from amongst the bushes,, running for h*is life.- and hotly pursued by a .gigan'ic leopard. ,

“He’s quaking a good race of it,” remark'd one of the Englishmen. “D’ye, thi’H- you can spot the winner?”

1 “The winner is spotted” came the dry - reply.

SOME CRAMMER

Thomas, coming home from school saw his mother making the fire.

Mother: Thomas, my son, reach me a st-iqk of wood. Thomas :Mother, the grammatical portion bf your education has been sarPv neglected. You should say “Thomas, my son, transport from yonder recumbent collection Hf combustible' material to the threshold of this edifice one of those curtailed excrescences of defunt log.”

QUITS

, Pat Murphy was taking his first flight in an aeroplane. The pilot was taking Jiim over London. When they were up about 3000 feet the ’plane suddenly went into a nose dive. , “Ha Ha!” laughter pilot, shouting to Pat, “fifty per cent of the people ■ down there thought we were falling.” ‘ “Sure,” admitted Pat, “and 750 per cent of the people up here thought so, too.”