JOKES OLD AND NEW

Hokitika Guardian, 28 June 1929, Page 8

JOKES OLD AND NEW

BE CAREFUL. Willie: “Ala, can’t I go out m the .treel, for a while. Tommy .Jones says iliere's a new planet co lie seen l” Aunlicr: “Yes, but don’t you go too near.’’ CLOSING DOWN. Wile, as bedtime hour approaches: ‘‘John, is overfilling siuu up lor the night 1” Weary, henpecked husband: “'That depends on you, everything else is.” SAAIE TO YOU. Teacher (on eve of holidays) : “Well, I hope that you will have a good holiday, and come back with stunt* sense in. your heads.” Glass in chorus: “Same to you. miss.” THE l’E EULESS ACT HESS. Act,res: “Jn the advertisements you call me the peerless actress.” Alanager: “Well, what alar.t. it?” “I want you to understand that I know as many peers as any other actress.” NOT SO GOOD. Author: “Yes, f tun doing very well. I make jokes, and my wit* makes pictures for them.” Painter: “With me it’s the opposite. I make the pictures, and my wife jokes about them.” THE bim DEG HOOAI LESS HONEYMOON. “Are you going for a honeymoon ?” asked the clergyman of the stalwart East End navvy for whom he had just performed the marriage cere mony. “T ain’t, sir.” was the answer, “bill my wifq is; she is gong to Southend for a week with her mother.” TOO AIUCH TO EXPECT. A gentleman in a restaurant beckoned to the waiter. “Waiter, ’ sail, lie. “I ordered chicken soup, : nd I m certain that there is -not am '■hieken in this soup.” Ihe wajtei shrugged his shoulders. ‘ AA'dl, what about it?” h-e replied. “You’ll be expecting to find fairies in the fairy ■akes next!”