QUIPS IN COURT

Hokitika Guardian, 14 January 1929, Page 8

QUIPS IN COURT

Derby Magist rate: Has your dog shown any dangerous habits? Defendant (slightly deaf) : 1 am (fuite sure my dog lias no dangerous beliefs! * * * * “I will promise to sign the pledge so that I shall be no more trouble to anybody, but it is wicked to be locked up for two glasses of beer.”—A man charged with drunkenness at Kingston-on-Thames. * * * * * * Solicitor at Feltham: Just before this happened you stopped the tram-wav-car ? Witness: No, sir. The driver stopped it. ♦ * • * * * ■* Debtor at Shored ittch Country Court: I live rent free. Solicitor: How do you manage that? Debtor: Easily by not paying my rent. * * * * » Nottingham Woman: Flo put liis fist in my mouth. Man: No wonder—you opened it so wide! * * * * • Woman at Willesden: She hit me on the head with an iron saucepan. The Magistrate: And what did you do ? Woman: I couldn’t find any utensil handy. # * * * * * 4 Defendant at Highgate: I had a request for an estimate, and in mv hurry to go to the place I did nc trouble to look at the motor-cycle was not only summoned, but I lost the contract as well, so it was my unlucky day. * •» * Judge Cluer to Woman at Shoreditch County Court: I can understand the had English that is often spoken here, but your bad Genua n-Englisli is very hard for me to follow. Mr W.*B. Luke (the Willesden Magistrate) to quarrelling women : You contaminate the air of the neighbourhood. Go outside and cleanse you mouths. ****** Nottingham Solicitor: She called this man an adjectival storyteller, with adjectival trimmings. . * f * > Woman at Shoreditch County Court: I see no reason why I should swear just because everybody makes a habit of it. »*»*»* A man summoned at Enfield for sitting on the bonnet of a motor-car said lie was there to see that the lights did not go out. * * * * “T saw some hoys playing cards so went, home and put on some old clothes and blacked my face and went hack. When I got near them some woman said, ‘Hi. hoys, here comes a copper.’ ” —A constable at Tower Bridge. Air Champion, the Magistrate: You. like the proverbial ostrich, forgot that blackening your face would not prevent the eagle eye of a woman from seeing your police trousers.