TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

Hokitika Guardian, 2 January 1929, Page 8

TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

LONDON, November 5

Cases of cheese that nobody seemed to want arrived from the Continent at Holborn Viaduct Station, where they remained for two days. Porters snitfed at the 1(> cases, and told each other that they undoubtedly contained cheese.

Towards the end of the.second day the cheese was speaking far itself, and everybody was glad when it was adopted by llermidis luistratios, a Greek, who had just taken a room in Whitfield Street, Tottenham Court Road. For several hours the cheese stood on the pavement outside the temporary home of llermidis the Greek, and pass-ers-by sniffed and told each other it was cheese.

At sunset or thereabouts the cheese was removed into the backyard of Mie Whitfield Street house, and there came the chief inquiry officer of the Customs and Excise .Department, who, sniffing at the cheese, proceeded to perform an interesting conjuring trick.

With a “there is absolutely nothing up my sleeve ” manner the oflicer stood before two opened eases, and from each, after removing cheese, ho produced a large hermetically sealed tin container. With a “ quickness o'l the hand deceives the eye” movement be opened the tins and discharged 2511) of tobacco.

llermidis. the Greek, was surprised, •lid the officer said he was willing to fry the same trick with the other 14 -ases if Kermidis would wait. Air Cancel lor, the magistrate at .Marlborough Street Police Court, yesterday said that llermidis would wait a week in custody because no duty had been paid on the tobacco, and Llermidis, who speaks and thinks in French, will he asked through an interpreter how he came into possession of the “ frontage a la tabac.”

Pretty names they have at Alarllorough Street. Simone, Yolanue, and Chrystaline having passed through the dock, Bridget Shean and a market basket took the vacant place. Bridget Mitered Cook’s tourist agency in Piccadilly on .Monday afternoon and, using the basket as a dancing partner, waltzed from Egypt to the Riviera and back before the astonished clerks could send for a policeman, who eventually steered Bridget- away on an alcoholic tide.

“ Did you want a ticket for a long ’ourney ? ” inquired the Magistrate as be discharged Bridget and the basket with a caution.

Emily, wearing a purple hat and an auburn fringe, fenced adroitly with the blunt question as to whether or not she has been drunk.

“ I have been ill for a long time,’ she said plaintively. 'The Clerk: Were you drunk?—l did have a glass of beer ami some bread and cheese.

Were you drunk?—l came up to tell a relative that my mother would not live long. Were you drunk?—l" was looking at the time and for a chance of work when the potman pushed me off the steps. Were •you drunk?—l said good night to the barmaid and found myself being shoved along the street. Air Chancellor: You have been locked up for seven hours: go away.—“ Thank you. L’ve got such a pain!” (leaves the court describing her symptoms).

Charles entered the dock carrying a walking stick, hut no hat. Two hall porters, a page hoy, and a policeman had spent much time looking for Charles’s hat in a Maymarket hotel.

They brought him all shapes and sizes of hats, which Charles rejected and threw away. So the porters threw out Charles and the policeman took him away “ baht aht,” as they say in ’forkshire. and the magistrate fined him los for being drunk and disorderly.

Audrey Fields, ;i pretty dancer of 2.‘i, came to Cludsea from Yorkshire and securing a dancing engagement. The daughter o'f respectable people, she had never neon in trouble until she entered a We si I'lnd store and picked up a customer’s Imp; containing Co in money and jewellery (including a platinum and diamond wrist watch) to the value of Cldl).

A woman detective saw the dancer pick up the Imp. and when she returned to the shop ten days later the dorkshire pirl was arrested. A detective stated that everything had been recovered with the exception of one article, and the pirl, who pleaded puilty, had made restitution to the amount of 021. She was put hack to have a talk with Miss .Macpherson. the woman missionary, and was subsequently hound over to he of pood behavious for 12 months.

Wearing a patch of sticking plaster on ihe hack of his nock and a sullen look on his face, Alfred boasted that he had been in the dock for other things, never for being drunk. “ I am not a drinker,” lie declared, “ hut 1 am not on the map with the policeman and the doctor. I have never been fined for being drunk.” “ Yes. you have.” corrected the magistrate—“fifteen shillings.

Frederick and -Mary joined hands

and tried to got into public bouse alter closing time am! were arrested. 'I lien appeared Albert Frank, the kind stranger.

“ Don’t lock them up; you have had parents yourself.” said Albert Frank to the arresting policeman.

“ You go home.” advised the officer, whose arms were occupied in supporting Frederick and Alary.

•• Lot the poor man come with me,’ pleaded the amateur Good Samaritan, dragging Frederick away Ironi the constable.

“Certainly,” agreed tin* oflicer, blowing bis whistle, “we will all go together.” They did, and Aho kindly stranger- was lined 20s. double the mount paid by Frederick and Ala who were not at all grateful.

“ I had trouble with a bottle.” said William, who appeared in the dock a fortnight late. “ Tie had trouble wit! a lot of bottle,” said a constable, “for I found him lying on the pavement seeing tilings that were not there.”

Doleful James entered several public houses in Charing Cross road and. with tears in his eyes and a 10s note in his hand, begged the barman to save bis life with a pint of beer. '1 he barmen took one look at Doleful James and unanimously requested him to “ hop it.” Eventually lie hopped into the arms of a policeman, to whom he sobbed a sad story of how he had mislaid his drinking partner who had been his churn in the war. Doleful James received ss. change from his 10s note.