QUIPS IN COURTS.

Hokitika Guardian, 15 September 1928, Page 3

QUIPS IN COURTS.

Alan charged with assault (to a solicitor at Higligate) : My dear fellow! Solicitor: Don’t be quite so friendly; you may find l am dear in another souse at tlie end of the case. W'illesdcn Magistrate (Sir Charles Pinkham,' qx-.M.P.): 1 have known men whose best speeches were -made when not quite sober. Solicitor: Surely not in the House, sir. Husband, accused’ at Marlboroughstreet of wife assault: She used language strong enough to make a bluejacket blush. Wiflesdem Solicitor: , The doctor’s evidence was not very strong. Magistrate: But he mentioned that tlie prisoner’s breath was. Willesden Witness: I was on a pirate ’bus. Magistrate: Sa-v “imlcpeiutent the days of pirates arc past. Air. R, Crawford, J.P., at Killagan, near Belfast, Petty Sessions: A young woman wearing white stockings is just as good a reflector as a red light when cycling on a dark night .

Nottingham Woman : This is the first time .1 have had to come before you gentlemen—excuse me calling von gentlemen. Solicitor at Mansfield: How often do you take your medicine of mixed gin, port, and sherry ? Man : Whenever I fancy a drop ! The Willesden Magistrate: Did you do anything to annoy him? The Woman: Only tore his shirt off bis hack in self defence. A defendant at Shoreditch County Court: My wife and family arc all in work and that is all I have to live oil. The Plaintiff’s Solicitor: It shows that it pays to got married. Tlie Tottenham Magistrate (giving a decision): Ditto repeato. The Complainant: I beg your pardon? The Magistrate: The same as the previous case—2os.

A woman juror, arriving late at the Old Bailey, explaining that her train was 25 minutes late. Sir Henry Dickens, the Common Serjeant: I would fine the railway company if I could, hut I cannot. A Woman at Old-street Police Court seeking n maintenance order against her husband: Every time I ask for money ho hits me with a poker t Defendant in a Tunbridge Wells assault case: Did you hear a certain remark passed? A Witness: No. You were shouting like a man m the House of Commons and nothing could he heard.