COURT ANECDOTES

Hokitika Guardian, 2 June 1928, Page 4

COURT ANECDOTES

LONDON, April 3

"When a doctor with only a - halfpenny in his pocket demands a packet *of cigarettes in. a small cafe at midnight, and then, for the best of reasons, refuses to pay, the obvious diagnosis is nervous prostration. Tho doctor had it with alcoholic complications; tho cafe proprietor endured a bad attack in the icasli register; Hie constable who arrested the doctor suffered because t/he doctor would persist in defining his infirmities; and the station sergeant who took the charge nearly succumbed to a rising temperature because the doctor demanded a consultation with Sir Bernard Spilsbury.

Fortunately tho complaint was not infectious, and Mr Drummctt, the magistrate at Cl.erkcmvcll Police Cowr, yesterday charged the doctor a guinea, without Faking medical advice. a

Coughing and sneezing, Harry dragged himself into the dock, and, with a facetious reference to the fog. wished tho gaoler “Good evening.” “Excuse me (cough), I have a nasty cold (sneeze),” said Harry. ‘What did you take to euro it?” inquired the magistrate. “The usual thing, with sugar mil lemon,” admitted Harry. “And a tramway-car,” interpolated the constable who arrested him. “I beg your pardon?” queried the magistrate' politely. “Ho took a tramwa.v-car,” explained the constable stolidly. “The other passengers objected, and I was called to eject him.” “It is this wretched weather,” remarked Harry, sneezing: into h's handkerchief.

“Vo,, took one tramway-car too many,” gravely observe 1 the magistrate as ho charged a 10s fare.

r.C. Skinner solemnly unfolded lib overcoat, and indicating a rent in thcollar, pointed at Ncll’c Smith in tlm dock and resentfully announced: “She tore it.”

“You’re a liar,” retorted Nelli Smith placidly. “She tore it all rigid.” agreed P.< 9MY, who, with P.C. Skinner, ha assisted to remove Nellie from a pul lic-houso where she had. o verst aye her welcome.

•Two potmen are employed in tl;n' public-house to throw people out. am they don’t need any assistance. ’ do dared Nellie Smith.

Insisting on an observances of tn conventions, she added that policemen were out of place in ft public-house: they made everybody feel uncomfort able.

“She threw up her legs, swung o* my collar and tore my coat,” insisted P.C. Skinner.

“And then she lay down on thi pavement and would not move,” con tribiited P.C. 0! -IV. “Wlmt’s the use of talking tj liars?” loftily asked Nellie, who, fifing fined 2fts, exclaimed: “Yoy (naughty word), that’s how you gc your living.”

Charles and Alfred played an exciting game of hide-and-seek with a detective sergeant who is a very good player. “I am looking for an overcoat,’ said tho officer.

“Find it,” said Charles. “That’s your job.” And the sergeant found it behind a curtain in a room ir. Charles's cafe. “Now I want Alfred,” said tbo sergeitlnt, who, without waiting for Charles to say “hot and cold,” found Alfred in the street.

“You must have seen me bring it in. T got it from a man in Rowton House,” said Alfred admiringly. Continuing the game of hide-and-seek, the magistrate put Charles and Alfred in a place where the sergeant will find them, easily next week.

Julia used to be a housemaid in a private hotel in Bedford place, and since she left last November it was alleged that she had haunted the house. The manageress of the hotel said she had seen Julia walking down the stairs and vanishing silently into the night. The nocturnal visits of Julia continued and on Sunday night when she gave a material demonstration, the manageress closed the doors and sent for the police. P.C. 98E, who does not believe in ghosts, found Julia, so bo said, hilling in a cupboard in the basement, and when ho took her to the police station ho found in her bag a key that fitted the front door of the hotel.

Julia, who said she would sooner admit the charge of being on enclosed premises than disclose her real reasons for haunting the hotel, was remanded.

Among the Shoreditch crowd that was seeking spring in Hyde Park were Arthur and Annfe. Annie is a high-ly-strung, pretty little girl, and when her sweetheart .was arrested for trying to get on to an omnibus that was as full as himself, she fainted. Annie’s collapse aroused the sex sympathy of .Millie, a strapping girl, who held on to the coat-tails of P.C. 326 E, who was preventing Arthur from seeing Annie home. Arthur and Alillic shared the clock as strangers, and Annie, together with Alillio’.s young man from Shoreditch. who went into the witness box, looked coldly on the association. “Wo don’t know anything about it,” said they loftily; and after AH Graham Campbell, the magistrate, had fined Arthur and Alillie 10s each, they had a busy half-hour outside the court explaining to Annie and the young man from Shoreditch that they had never seen each other before the informal introduction in the Strand by P.C. 326 E.

Edith, who wore a blue hat and a black eye, was in a hurry. AAhen she arrived in the clock the magistrate was having an earnest consultation with the clerk about something that did not come within Edith’s orbit. She stood it. for a couple of minutes, then she coughed gently. This having no effect, she sighed heavily. Next sue coughed aggressively, dropped a large handbag pointedly, a,nil blew her nose violently. When she was eventually fined 5s for having been drunk Edith whisked out of the clock with tiie remark; “Thank goodness. I’ve got some attention fit. last.”

Spring has come to Covent Garden, where William AtcCarthy was found curing his bronchitis by basking among the early morning vegetables.

“Were you convicted for drunkenness last month?” inquired the clerk. “I cawn’t ’ear.’’ replied the Cockney Irishman, who, having no address, was supplied with one for 14 days by the magistrate.

John Twagg. an American sailor, brought a bright and wide smile into the court. It v.as the sort of smile that spreads, an infection of good humour. Nobody could look on John Twagg’s smile without feeling , a twitching of the facial muscles, and soon everybody in court had caught the Twagg smile. The polite gaoler had a smile behind his hand, three policewomen giggled, and the gallery grinned.

“You will bo fined 20s for being

drunk,” ordered the magistrate. “Can’t be done,” said John Twagg. “I’vo only got 15s 9Jd,” smiling more and more.

“I'll make it 155,” corrected the magistrate with a faint imitation of the Twagg smile, and John Twagg, citizen of the United States, departed jovially with 9Jd and a number nine smile.

James and his crutches are a familiar sight in London police courts. Ho says that it is rheumatism, but the constables who arrest him declare that it is rum. “Forty shilling,” said Mr Graham Campbell.

“AVhat for?” exclaimed James indignantly. “He knows you,” retorted the po-

lite gaoler,

Dctcetive-Sergeant Robbins tenderly caressed a swollen nose which had been injured in the ordinary way of business, as they say at Scotland Yard. 'The officer was assisting in the arrest of Thomas and Elizabeth on a charge of disorderly behaviour, and Thomas not only welcomed DetectiveSergeant Robbins with a blow on the nose, but also bit him in the same place as the party were leaving. Elizabeth kept her hat pulled down over her face and', reluctantly obeying the magistrate’s demand for “hats off,” revealed a black eye. “How did she get that?” inquired Mr Hay Halkctt. ‘‘The same way 1 got my swollen

nose,” remarked Detective-Sergeant ltobibins, glancing at Thomas, who was lined £lO.