TOLD THE MAGISTRATE.

Hokitika Guardian, 21 May 1928, Page 1

TOLD THE MAGISTRATE.

LONDON, March 20. ■Shamrock was much worn in Bermondsey’s Irish quarter on Saturday. So were bruises yesterday, when Tower Bridge Police Court resembled the ea-malty room of a hospital.

lhe first lndf-dozcn offenders required a doctor in addition to a policeman, and Air Vernon Gal tie, the magistrate, was levying ices mid fines impartially and swiftly. All were not Irish who celebrated SL PatriMc’s Day in Bermondsey, Amt many of the blood-stained Saxons required a doctor just tho- same. * * * » •

William, the first patient- to enter tho dock, had sprained his aim pushing his wife off tile footpath. Anyhow, ho sa'itl it was merely a slight push that- made her unconscious, but the doctor told him he would hot be able to use his arm for a week. -• »*„»#«

AVilliam was succeeded by .Tames, who wore a bandage over his left eye, which he had knocked against the pavement; while George, who followed with an egg-shaped hump on his head, explained that “T. got out of a tramway-car which overcame me.” *****

At this stage the whistling window cleaner afrivod, not in the dock, but on a ladder outside the court. He. was a soulful whistler who took a.

pride in his gift, and after entertaining the injured Irish offenders with a touching rendering of “Come Back to Erin,” lie imitated birds until an unappreciative janitor shooed him away. »****■«

Daniel, who looked as if lie had been in several lions’ dens, could not account for his scratches • hut Charles (Edward knew exactly how he had cut his right hand. So'did P.C. 211 L, whose manner of giving evidence is something between a chant and a recitation. It was a pity the whistling window-cleaner had been shoecd away for P.C. 211’s evidence would go beautifully with a whistling ohligaco. P.C. 211 L recited with spirit how on a tramway-car he had chased and caught AVilliam, who was “cross stitching” AA'ntorloo road on a bicycle. “And when he reached the police station,” concluded tho constable impressively, “he smashed four panes of glass, thereby’ cutting his right hand and wrist.”

“AA'hy should lie call me a toe-rag?” demanded AA’illiain.

“J'-did-not-call-him-n-toe-rag,” chan ted P.C. 211 L. .

Detective-Sergeant Rosie was so interested in the ownership of the bicycle that he requested tlio magistrate to detain AVilliam a while.

The Riley’s gave- a St. Patrick’s Day party, and all went well until a young woman who hail been invited arrived after the party was over. Air Riley was taking off his hoots and discussing the happy evening with Airs Riley when tlio belated guest suddenly and noisily arrived, and demanded, “What of the party?” Airs

Riley (prointepd hv Air Riley) was busy telling her outside the house when a constable said such things could not lie allowed on Iris beat. As the Rileys continued to speed tiie parting guest they finished up the party’ in tho police station; hut were yesterday discharged by the magistrate, who softly quoted: “Where is that party’ now ? ”

“If you had my worries,” said Alfred addressing the magistrate and glancing at Elizabeth, who accompanied him in the dock, “you also would get drunk.” Tiie magistrate looked at Elizabeth and refrained from comment. «»*»**

Rosie is always having rows with her relations. “ Every time I visit them,” she complained, “they throw me into the street. No sooner did T get into the house on Saturday night when I heard my mother talking about me. and there I was again in the street with the in-laws kicking me.”

“It was close on midnight, and she was Iving in the street screaming (hunk and asking where sbo should go,” said a policeman, who added dispassionately, “The neighbours were helping her relations to tell her.”

“ All I had was five drinks, and no one can get drunk on five drinks,” declared Rosie.

“How many drinks do you suggest would, bring about the—er—desired result?” inquired the magistrate. “Oil, about a couple of dozen,” replied Rosie, “hut (earnestly), three dozen would make sure.”

“ They usually manage it on a couple judging from the statements made in this court,” sighed ATr Vernon Gattie. “ F’ive shillings.”