“I MET A SCOTSMAN...”

Hokitika Guardian, 19 May 1928, Page 4

“I MET A SCOTSMAN...”

LONDON, March ID.

Scotsmen, catne south in clans on Friday night to enjoy the great “Rugger” match between England and Scotland at Twickenham on Saturday, hut many, alas! fell by the wayside, and werei presented with the freedom of Bow street Police Court on Saturday morning. Many metropolitan constables fire now convinced that Scotsmen are not mean, for not only did Highlanders and Lowlaudcrs hang saxpences for their own enjoyment, but they recklessly entertained anybody and everyibodv who showed an appreciation cd and capacity for whisky. And Scottish hospitality and generosity kept the Bow street force working overtime.

Among the guests of the free-hand-ed Scotsmen were ri Negro, a Dane, two Germans, a Cockney septuagenarian. an American citizen, men In mi Cumberland, "Westmorland. Northumberland, Lancashire, and Yorkshire and half a dozen Irishmen who had anticipated St. "Patrick’s Day.

1. a.m very sorry, sir. hut 1 met 11

Scotsman.” was the common excuse spoken from the dock to Mr Graham Campbell, the magistrate, who eventually remarked to the ilfltli offender. “You should he very careful when von drink whisky with a Scotsman.

“In the days of my youth.’’ said a largo and purple-nosed Northerner, “I used to work in London, and this is the first time .1 have ever been in trouble in London. I am a beer man myself, hut I met a Scotsman who kept on standing whiskies, and that did it.” **»**»

“.Sir,” murmured a highly respect-rihle-looking citizen, burdened with a disconsolate moustache. “I am thoroughly ashamed of myself. Ibis is the first time I have been in such a painful position. T met a Scottish friend and ”

For sixty years John Smith, aged 76, lias lived at the same address in "Devonshire street, 110-lliovn, and he told the magistrate that his greatest desire was to go straight home. “I met a- Scotsman, and I am not feeling very well this morning.” he said. "He had a bottle of whisky in bis pocket when lie was arrested,” observed the clerk. “He said 110 bad been taking whisky to strengthen himself,” announced the arresting constable. •"‘You will he let off with half a crown,” declared Air Graham Campbell.

“Say ‘Thank you,’ ” prompted the gaoler. And John Smith dropped a curtsy and said “Thank you” quite prettily. *****

“Can a drunken man run?” demanded Harry Brown, a Negro, who shortly before midnight was eliased along Rond street by two constables. One constable said that- Harry sprinted at a good speed lor 20 yards, the other policemen said that Harry was easily caught over a 40 yards course.

“But can a drunken man run?” demanded the magistrate, repeating Harry's query. “"What made you lliiiik lie was drunk?"

“Ho was very jolly.” declared « constable, “and he flapped his hat in the faces of resentful strangers and knocked the other officer’s helmet

“I mot a Scotsman, but T know bow to behave myself,” exclaimed Harry, who wore a regimental badge adorned with red. white, and blue ribbons, one glove on bis left band, a red. geld, blue and brown scarf, find nil air of injured Innocence.

When lie was hound over to keep the peace for 12 months, Harry clicked his heels, saluted with a flourish, and solemnly ejaculated, “For 12 months it is pence!”

Maggie and Emily were discovered fighting. “What were they fighting about?’’ asked the- magistrate. “They are both Irish, sir,” replied the constable in the ease. Explanation accepted.

Patrick, after being persuaded by two potmen to leave a. public-house where be had disturbed the social amenities, was escorted by two constables to the police station. "St. Patrick’s Day eases are not dim until Monday/’ grumbled tile clerk

“I. expect be met a Scotsman.’’ remarked the magistrate.

“Wejiotli met each other,” explained a Scotsman from Glasgow, indicating bis' neighbour in I lie dock, who comes from Dundee. “They tried to get on to an omnibus that wasii’t there,” sn.itl an Irish policeman. “Anything known about them?” asked the magistrate. “No, sir,” replied the gaoler. “They come from Scotland".” “I am not used to Scotch whisky.” pleaded Robert the Dane. “I drank a glass and then went into tho Tube, which was warm, and it made me unwell. 1 feel sick now.” William came from Edinburgh early on Friday to make sure of a good seat at the football match. He was l arrested at half-past three on the same afternoon, spent half a day and a. night in the cell, and was released in time to take his-place in the "queue at Twickenham.