TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

Hokitika Guardian, 26 September 1927, Page 4

TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

LONDON, Aug. 6.

To all outward seeming he was a. model of middle-class respectability. He wore a well-pressed suit of sober hue but fashionable cut his winged collar was laundered to a shining nicety; his black and white striped cravat, that so cunningly lent a bint of distinction to his appearance, was faultlessly “set,” and not a bail- of bis bead was out of place. il have seen other men in the dock at Bow street Police Station who have been caught feeding for’ nothing in London’s teashops, but this gentleman seems to have made a hobby of it. Apparently be had a passion for icecream, for this, with two cups of coffee, rounded oil' each of the several meals which he was accused of obtaining without payment. He must have had a weakness, ton, for steak-nnd-kiclney pudding, and fried eggs, fried potatoes and buttered toast were mentioned ns forming the major part of his favourite diet. The prisoner shrugged his shoulders gently when ho asked the magistrate. Sir Chartres Biron, to believe that he “had no intention to defraud.” But the gaoler found quite a long, chapter about him in his black book, and for the next three months lie will get his free meals in prison—after hard labour.

John, a dapper young man, looked through his gold-rimmed pincenez with great interest at the policeman who was telling the magistrate why he had arrested John. He was quarrelling with a shopkeeper in High Holborn, sir,” the officer explained. “What about?” asked Sir Chartres. “About a golf-ball, sir. The prisoner wanted it. for sixpence, and the shopkeeper wanted ninepence for rt, and at last the prisoner pitched the money at him. He wouldn’t go away when I advised him to do so. and when I took him into custody he said: ‘l’m surprised at you, officer.’ ” John shook his hend, sadly. In tranquil tones he assured the magistrate that when the policeman came he was merely trying to convince the shopkeeper, who did not want to serve

him, {that it was his duty to servo a customer.

A friend of John’s was also surprised that the policeman should have made off with John. He showed his astonishment even now. “We—my friend in the dock,' myself and the constable—were quietly discussing the question of whether a tradesman had the right to refuse to servo a customer,” he declared. “Then, before I knew what was Happening. ho was marching my friend up the road—just like a. common thief, sir.” Ho finished indignantly.

Sir Chartres suddenly sat up very stiffly. “Your friend seems to Have behaved with incredible loolishness, he observed with a gesture of impatience.

And so dapper young John was bound over to keep the peace.

After “the night before” most people have no regard for the courtesies. Herbert, however, proved the exception. He bowed low to the magistrate when ho stepped into the dock and when ho was asked, “Were you drunk ?” he smiled apologetically and replied politely, “I think 1 was, sir. “Then you plead guilty ?” the clerk inquired. “I think I do,” Herbert returned, bowing again.

“Five shillings,” said the magistrate.

“I thank von,” said Herbert, “and a very good day to you. sir,” (Exit, bowing).

James’s mood was a distinct contrast. He looked as morose as il he had been treated by an American with bootleggers’ “hooch.” “I don’t believe I was drunk,” he growled.

The policeman who had helped him to the station grinned faintly. The evidence was that .lames had displayed a desire to he c Hifidentially chatty with everybody he met. “And at last,” said the policeman, “he was forcibly ejected from a shop. '1 he shopkeeper didn’t like lnm.”

James had £1 on him and the court relieved him of half of it.

Harry, a seaman, was neither positively aware of what had been his nocturnal condition nor actually doubtful about it. lie was prepared, however, to take the policeman’s word that he was drunk. The officer, in a “(hat settles il” tone, pointed out that lour taxicab drivers who had been hailed one after another by Harry refused to permit him to “come aboard” when they got a near view of him. Undismayed, hut somewhat puzzled, Hurry would have hovered on the pavement hailing cabs all night it the policeman had left him there. Ho now went out perplexedly searching his pockets for the 10s line.

A grey-liaired little man with sharp features and a blunt manner astonished the magistrate, astounded the clerk, amazed the police, and almost petrified the people at the back of the court. As emphatically as a very had impediment in his speech would allow—- (“ Take your time—take your time,” tue magistrate had invited him) —lie had a-sserted that he would not have knocked out the front teeth of “ the woman next door ” had she not previously hit him four times on the head. “ ]f she had given me one more blow, sir,” he said “ I should have been senseless. 1 had to hit her in selfdefence.”

Mr McKenna thought he might have had some provocation. “ llut you are a very excitable man,” lie said, “ and you must take care not to get excited again. 1 will not convict you if you are willing to be bound over to keep

the peace.” Then it was that the little prisoner caused the sensation. “ No, sir—l am not willing to bo bound over,” lie said as firmly as he could. The magistrate’s eyes flashed and the gaoler seemed about to reel beneath the shock. “ Why not?” the clerk gasped. “ My conscience will not allow me,” explained the womnn-smiter. “ 1 only protected myself.” He was advised to think again. He thought—but very swiftly. “ No, sir—T couldn’t do it. I must be free to protect myself.” Magistrate and clerk held whispered council for a lew minutes. “ Very well.” Mr McKenna said at last, “If you don’t find a surety for your good behaviour you will go to prison for seven days.” The conscientious one went out quite perkily! * * * * Kllen is in love; therefore she is jealous. The constable who stopped her argument with another woman could not have been expected, of course, to appreciate the heart-to-heart nature of it. He saw only what he thought to he trouble brewing in Grosvcnor lload, Camberwell.

Kllen tried to make matters clearer to the magistrate. “You see.” she said. “I was walking down the road with the young man 1 keep company with, when suddenly lie went over and spoke to another young woman. Ann so, of course, 1 went over and asked her who she was. Then, ol course, 1 might have made a slip of the tongue, as you might say.”

“ Quite,” said the magistrate. “Fay five shillings.” " Thank you, sir,” said Kllen. “(tufas for you—,” she added to the poor policeman, when she reached the door, • ‘ v.ell .” She elevated her pretty nose.