TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

Hokitika Guardian, 22 August 1927, Page 1

TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

LONDON, June 13. So Mr Ivan Snell, the magistrate, had a busy morning slipping the leashes, as it were, of eager wives bent- on the pursuit of vanishing husbands. A small wife wearing largo earrings demanded a separation from her husband because he got drunk every day. “Ho has not been sober a single day suco Christmas,” slio said, half in sorrow and half in pride. “I don’t believe it,” exclaimed tho j magistrate, thinking of the financial and physiological limitations of the averago hawker. “You don’t know my husband,” retorted tho wife, shaking her earrings vigorously. “Being liis own master he has lots of time to spare and he makes the most of it. If lie came home sober bo would call it a wasted day.”

A stout and placid alien remarked that she had not heard from her husband for thirteen months. “She does not want him: she wants liis money,” exclaimed the court missionary. “Ho promised her £2 10s a week and he is sending her only £1 so she desires to regularise her position.” Her position was duly regularised by the ganting of a summons. “My husband is in Manchester,” remarked tho next applicant, “and ho sends mo 30s a week, but it did not arrive last Saturday.” “Wait and see,” advised Air Snell, looking distastefully at the long queue of women applicants. “Ho says be is not coming back,” complained a young wife who was still in lovo with her vanishing mate. “I went to tho market where he works this morning and I told hint he had jolly well got to come back, and he told mo ho would jolly well see mo Mimertjiero else first, so 1 have gone on the parish.” A plump, middle-aged woman wearing an injured air and steel rimmed spectacles did not want her husband hack. On tlie contrary, she requested the magistrate to prevent him from annoying her. “Since I got a. separation,” she complained, “he won’t leave me alone. I have offered him the furniture to get rid of him, but ho is always hanging round tho house and it is not respectable.” Mr Snell blinked but sent an officer to warn the separated husband that lie must not woo bis wife as it offended- against the rigid moral standard of tho tenements. “What do you think of a husband wlio carries on with your sister?” demanded an angry brunette who, without waiting for a reply, continued, “Ho is a gay lover, be is, and 1 want a separation. That will teach him.” “Why not get a divorce?” suggested tho magistrate. “You are a young woman and you may want to get married again.”, “Not on your life 1 don’t, retorted tho angry wife. “Once is enough!” “This girl lias been married only seven months and her husband has deserted her,” said tho court missionary, referring to a wife still in her Icons. “Whore is lie?” inquired the magistrate. “I don’t know,” replied the childwife. “He just said ‘Cheerio,’ and wont.” “Please I want to .withdraw tho summons against my husband for persistent cruelty,” said a middle-aged wife whose right eye, once black, had begun to turn yellow. “There you are,” observed Afr Snell bitterly. “You are all alike. 1 am here to protect you women who tell mo dreadful talcs, and T take pity on you, and then von go away and forgive your husbands. Why do yon do it?” “I don’t know, sir,” replied the wife meekly. “I suppose it is because we are women.” And tho wisest of men wilL never be able to understand the overwhelming truth of that illogical reply. If women were not ns they are the world would bo a terribly hard place for men. Wailed ft distressed and stalwart alien of uncertain age hut sturdy morals, “A man who is married, much married lie is with children, comes to my house and annoys me. I told him ho must not make love to me because lie is married. Ho says that being married makes him love me more, so I throw him out. which made him angry, and I come to say lie must not lovo mo any more.” “Convey that message,” ordered the magistrate to the smiling warrant officer.