TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

Hokitika Guardian, 28 May 1927, Page 4

TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

GLASGOW, April 2. j Wlion till* recent big storm raged in Glass o "' many houses were damaged and families made homeless, so a corporation family home was provided m St. Andrews-street, opposite the police stilt ion, where theAlereliet.s of the storm nere asked to live in peace and harmony. Hut they don’t. Communal family lile may he all right in a Communist. Utopia. lint it does not work in the St Anilrewsstreet homo, where two red-haired women live on the same landing. .Mistress Robert* has hair the colour of Australian gold, and the hair of Aitstress Eastern is that deep rich red beloved of Titian. Both are unshingled, and when they stood before .Stipendiary Smith at Centra! Police Court this morning the pule gold head ol .Mistress Roberts am! the dark red head of Mistress Pastern seemed 1-j glow with rival fires. Trouble in the family home broke out early on Saturday evening, but it was not until half-past eleven that tile warder of the place brough iti two constables, who found that there was no place- like the corporation family home. The two women were lighting in the passage and the decent people could not rest, said the officers. The landings were swarming with children who ought to have boon in bed. and to the war cries of the combatants were added the voices of neighbours invoking blessings and other things on their

unhappy home. Mistress Roberts was the daughter of the storm, for after throwing the superintendent down the staiis she attacked .Mistress Eastern, who. true to her colour, defended herself valiantly. Mistress Roberts was subdued today with a fine of 20s, and Mistress Eastern, being discharged, left the court with flaming colours.

Ala*y and Esther, two young wives, brought their sliawied and sleeping babies into court. I hey had keen enjoying three days’ shopping on the acquire system, invented, according to Esther, by Mary, who argued: "Why pay for things when wo can take them ?”

Working on Mary’s system they acquired no fewer than 02 articles, including socks and teething rings for the babies, rubber aprons and towels for the babies’ hath, hair slides for their own shingled hair, ornaments lor the mantel-shelf, forks and spoons tor the dining table, and polish for the floor. Their sleeping babies saved them from prison and sentence was deferred.

“Annie Laurie,” called the gaoler, and wo all looked up expectantly, hut our Annie Laurie was not a Lit like the heroine of the song. She was Irish and came from Kilkenny, thereby, as Fiscal James Miller remarked, "spoiling the- illusion.’’

"All give me a chance.” wheedled the Irish Annie Laurie. "! only came out on Saturday. Not a penny did 1 have, which shows how stupid f was.”

Annie Latnie, like many more regular offenders at the Central Police Court, has a weakness for the poor man’s cocktail—a mixture of methylated spirit and red wine. The red wine improves the devour ol the methylated spirit, which does the rest. Handicapped by many convictions, Annie Laurie from Kilkenny retired until next Saturday.

David, wild ha- four children and a whimsical smile, was embarrassed late mi Saturday night Ly finding him-eU with a walking stick he did not want.

"Now, what would I be doing with a walking stick:-'” he asked the court, “and how did I come, to get it P” A policeman told’ linn. David smiling whimsically and murmuring the names of his four children had walked into a shop, picked up the stick, and, smiling at the surprised proprietor, walked out again. He then entered a sweet shop next door, and smiling at the girl behind the counter, swiltly devoured.." trav of mixed chocolates.

"No more drunken frolics,” ordered the Stipendiary, putting David on his good behaviour for three months. “Mail, what a night you must have had! observed the fiscal.

Stipendiary Smith, who wears a wig and gown, shares with Al.r Alead, ol Alarlborough-strect. a habit of leaving his- chair at intervals, and, with hie. hands in his pockets, surveying nervous offenders with a grim smile. He

is a handsome man with a strong, clever face, a humorous mouth, and twinkling blue eyes, and I have seen him deal with more than fifty eases in less than two hours. He and Fiscal Afiller made an admirable’ -combination. Patience, a kindly tolerance ol human frailty and a keen sense of humour are needed to cope wth the queer characters who come before the Central Po lice Court.

Geoffrey, a. tall and thin lootbnll enthusiasts, canto to Glasgow from Greenock on Saturday to enoy a football match, hut late in the night he was discovered very drunk and weeping bitterly. “It is the first time I have been in a police court.” he urged contritely. ,“Did you get drunk from joy or sorrow” inquired the fiscal. “From sorrow, sir.” replied Geoffrey sadly. "Al.v team lost.”

“Y'ou get back to Greenock,” order ed the stipendiary.