TOLD THE MAGISTRAIE

Hokitika Guardian, 14 May 1927, Page 4

TOLD THE MAGISTRAIE

LONDON. March IT

With ihe exception of Lena, the rcclcr. who had her own troubles, everybody was interested in the case of Robert Proctor, licensee of the Bull’s Head Inn, IVilpshire, who was summoned for serving pints of beer to several customers at 10..'1l p.m., the closing time being ten o’clock. And the several customers were summoned for drinking the pints of beer. 'While there was no dispute over the facts, the genial way and friendly manner in which the case was conducted all round made it amusing hearing.

One of the customers concerned him been celebrating a sale of property in the Bull’s Head inn. and lie persuaded the landlord to serve another round after time had been called. Just as the property sale was being celebrated in the usual maimer in walked a sergeant and a constable.

"Well, fin !” exclaimed the landlord.

"I can’t imagine how Mr Proctor got his naughty word.” observed the defending solicitor. " for he was employed by the chairman for 20 years

and lie was also one of the learned clerk’s Sunday school scholars.”

Taking their cue from the defending solicitor, the chief constable, the clerk, the chairman and Warrant Officer Rates shook their heads reproachfully at the blushing landlord, while Mrs Bolton smiled joyously. "He had every chance with early teaching anel the learned, clerk.” remarked Chief Constable Hudson. ■■ Ah. it’s a good many years since lie was in my Sunday school class.” said the clerk reminiscently. " I have always found Robert Proctor to bear an excellent character,” put in the chairman, keeping up the “ rag.” “ It was only a small, naughty

word,” suggested the defending .solicitor, “ and selling property is dry work. As lie was persuaded into it I think you ought to let him off with payment of costs.” Hut the Bench made it a'fine of 20s nil round, on the ground that’ landlord and customers were equally to blame.

Meanwhile Lena the reelor, who h id arrived at court half an hour before opening time—the court's opening time—was heating an impatient tattoo with her clogs on the parquet Hour. “When is it my turn f ” she demanded from Warrant Officer Bates.

•• You are last oil. missus.” replied the warrant officer, consulting hi- list. “ Oil, my.” wailed Lena the reelor, nervously fumbling with a weaver s comb in her hair.

“ Bear up, it will soon he over.” encouraged Lena’s woman friend, who also wore clogs and shawl. A\ hen Lena the rcelcr was ultimately accused of obtaining both sickness and unemployment pay, thereby receiving bit mere than she was entitled to, she made an effective entrance by bursting into tears.

“I’m working now at the reels; T am not strong enough for the looms, she wailed.

■■ Smooth tier down a Hit. ’ ordered Chief Constable IJodson, and promptly Warrant Officer Bates, who is famous in Blackburn as a settler ol disputeamong excited men, showed that lie is equally as good as a squire of dames. “ Now, now, missus,” lie crooned, patting Lena the reelor on the .shoulder, "don’t take on.”

In response to this unexpected sympathy Lena the reelor opened the floodgates wide, and the tears gushed fort’ in a torrent. _ • ••Take her a drink,” ordered C'hiel Constable Hudson hastily. For a moment "Warrant Officer Batehesitated. and I thought he was about to call for brandy, hut giving Lena the reelor a reassuring- pat, he dashed I'm a water bottle and glass, and Lena the icolor gujped down soils and water, promising to refund the Ll(i in week.) payments of 3s. She was fined a further 20s and. smiling, she rejoined hei woman friend, and the pair began obviously- to discuss Mrs Bolton’s hat.

When the domestic chimney catches lire in Blackburn nobody makes an unseemly lass. A constable collects -is, and the chief constable informs the Bench that the line lias been paid, so that the defendant loses no work, and the court no time.

Joseph Smith was ambiguously charged with creating a breach of the peace when his real offence was weiring a large crimson and yellow scarf. Constable Hodgson complained that Joseph Smith was making a disturbance at tln- West Houghton tramway terminus by wanting to fight with innther man who, to the disappointment of a large crowd, disappeared when Constable Hodgson inquired into the eae.se of the exeitineiit.

"1.-ii'l il usual for a crowd to collect al a tramway terminus S'” inquired Joseph Smith. "ft is.” agreed ( onstahle Hodgson, "and you were the* rau-o of it."

" And why did you not arrest the mail who started the low.-' asked Joseph Smith. “Because ho went .•'.wav," n-torted Constable Hodg-oii.

And if you had gone away I wo'ihln l have arre.-ted you.”

I will tell von all about it." volunteered William Vickers, a friend if Joseph Lmitii. “ A fellow started to insult me because 1 was in khaki. Tin n lie started to insult Joe born use in* wasn't in khaki. He shoved in on one sid-‘ and kept on insulting Joe, who was iust getting hi.- own hack when the policeman took him.” .he was hound over to Keep tile peace, hut that scarf is hound to get him into t rouble

Constable Wilkinson at S o’clock in the morning saw Pinks and blew his whistle. But William Goodyear, the driver of the motor-lorry CAY 1113. did not stop because, having been inspected by a policeman earlier in the day. his conscience was clear. He had a pink licence, declared Constable Mil -

...iison. and pink licenses expire on December 31.

" The summons says nothing about an old licence. It say- ‘ Not having an i llicicnt holder,’ "protested William Goodyear. " One of those little round things.” " And it was not pink,” firm!*.' asserted William Goodyear. “It was brown, but the celluloid cover made it look pink.”

“ It looked pink to me.” insisted Constable Wilkinson, who is an authority on the colour of motor licences, but tiie Bench, on the advice of the clerk, gave AVilliam Goodyear tiie benefit of tiie doubt and dismissed the case, whereupon Constable Wilkinson fervently exclaimed, “Strike me pink!”

Patrick Flynn protested in the accent of Tipperary that lie had given most of his wages to his wife. who. in the dialect of Oldham, placidly declared that he was a liar.

" f have stayed with you since f came out,” insisted Patrick.

“ lie spends his money on other folk and then comes round creating (disturbing),” said Mrs Flynn. “ It is home I’ve come to you.” declared Patrick.

" Av, and I’ve knocked at the policestation door for protection,” remarked Mrs Flynn, who will in future receive LI a week from Patrick.

William Fallon was found lull of spirits in' Water-street. “ You are fined os,” ordered the chairman. “ I am out of work and honest got it,” replied William. “ Where did you get your drink?” demanded the clerk. • Where docs a man nut of work get drink?” said William. "What: do you think friends are for?”

" lie’ll pay,” declared Supt. Musgrave, who seemed to know a lot about William.

Lucy Smith, a young wife, but one of tlie old style of Oldham operatives, gracefully draped her shawl round her shoulders, tapped the Hour with her clogs, and said she was sorry for having tried to stop a constable from arresting her husband. " Swung on my belt, she did.” said the indignant officer. " All, well, it was only natural.” remarked Supt. Musgrave kindly, and Lucy Smith was let off with a 10s line and a fortnight in which to pay. a * a * *

P.C. Ilawkcs was haunted by Michael .McHugh. It was in the mar-ket-place they first met. and the officer assisted the Irishman from the doorway of the Crown and Anchor. Michael went on his way singing, and all seemed well : but half an hour later P.C. Hav.kes had again to lift up Michael, who was reclining in the doorway of a wine lodge. Once more Michael was sent on his way singing, but ten minutes later he fell into the arms of P.C. Hawkes. who escorted him. still singing, to the police station. ' “ He has been here 2d times, but the last time was in 1912, and I think lie deserves a fresh start.” pleaded Supt. Musgrave; and Michael was let off with ss—a mere song.

ATTACK liV nriiCLAU. LONDON', March 2. A suspect was (based from Tievorsqmiro. Knightsbridgo, int;) liromplonroad. W.. last night. following an attack on :i caretaker and his son, aged 18, in which both worn injured. Kvontuiilly ii iiuiii wns arrested ami Liken to Walton Street station. Early in the evening a man called at 2d. Trevor-squnre. hut when the door v.as opened, thus showing that the house was occupied, lie ran a.way. Some time later the front door of 2d. Trevor-square. which is unoccupied, v.im forced, it is believed hv the same man.

While the intruder was inspecting the rooms the caretaker, his wife, ami son returned. There was a struggle, in which the caretaker was struck on the head with a jemmy. As he fell the son struck the* man a blow which caused him to reel, but when the hoy closed with the intruder he also was struck and rendered iiminiscious. The man ran from the house, followed by shrieks from the caretaker’s wife. Hearing the cries and those of neighbours an Army captain living at 1. Trevor-square. went to the scone and saw a man running away chased by several residents and people returning home from business. Eventually a man was caught by the captain and held till the arrival of the police. Subsequently a jemmy was found in the gardens of Trevor-square.